I’m 40. Wife (she works too). Kids.
Middle management. Perfectly decent paycheck. Above-average job security. This isn’t what I ever really saw myself doing when I was younger, but it turns out that rock star and superhero aren’t realistic goals.
Over the last year, I have been having serious trouble giving a shit. I zone out in meetings. I’m in a meeting right now. I see the younger people in the company raging about process optimization and vendor compliance, and I roll my eyes. Oh, I used to be like them. It feels so ridiculous now. Who cares? Let it burn.
I’m not lazy. I just don’t want to do this shit anymore. I want to build houses or repair bikes or grow food. Real things.
But I can’t retire. I’m at least 15 years from that. Probably 20. And I will get laid off. Eventually. It’s inevitable in this business. When that happens, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get another job at my age at the same level. I have always been consistent and reliable in my work, but never impressive.
So how do I get my groove back? How do I be like these 28 year olds who think about market research while they jerk off? Is that just gone? What do I do next?