Was seeing this girl for a few months, recently she started flaking a bit, out of nowhere tonight she just decides she’s doesn’t want a relationship cause she “isn’t ready for one”, third time this has happened this year, at this rate I don’t see any benefit to dating anymore, just doesn’t seem worth it to me.


27 comments

  1. You are not alone on this mate. I met this girl in the summer through apps, she was a perfect match. High intellectual talks, spicy stuff and all, then she stops and comes up with bullshit reasons for not having time for dating and not being ready for it. Now, I understand that people also explore how they feel, but this is a common pattern it seems. It is truly heart breaking.

  2. I see this as a huge lack of communication on her part. If you guys were seeing eachother exclusively for months, I’m surprised she didn’t hint to you that she was second guessing things.

  3. I’ve been there. I remember years ago this girl I had exclusively been seeing for almost 6months took me out for my birthday and everything seemed good. That night was the last time I ever saw or spoke to her. She ghosted me just like that…. Who knows why but I figured her deciding to end things like that was all I needed to know.

  4. Ok, some advice from a woman in her 40’s who has been through lots of ups and downs and now in a happy healthy relationship.

    Long term relationships aren’t just about finding someone you get on ok with and fancy enough to sleep with, it’s about finding the right compatibility for you and her. That takes a bit of time to figure out and does involve actually dating for a bit. It sounds like you’ve been getting the gentle let down, but shouldn’t mean you give up. It also doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or them, just not the right fit.

    Focus on yourself and making yourself a happy life that brings you joy, but don’t give up on dating.

  5. I mean, the following is just general blahblah taken from literally everywhere, so… don’t make dating your priority. You don’t have to stop entirely, but… just stop making it something more important than your own happiness. Love is simple, the commitment in a relationship is the real work. If you want to feel a connection you don’t have to focus on a relationship. That doesn’t mean something like fwb (ugh!), because intimacy and connection is way more than just the commitment in a relationship or what “love” is supposed to be. I don’t know if that helps, but I hope. You are worth more than chasing people who don’t want to commit.

  6. Unfortunately it is very common for relationships to end when the infatuation does. Suddenly the desire for a relationship isn’t that strong anymore and the other person’s flaws are a little more obvious, because being infatuated is quite literally like being high, and then at some point sobering up. Doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything wrong with anybody involved or that long term bonding doesn’t exist anymore. It does, it just takes time and luck to find, if you are interested in looking. But this experience sucks nonetheless, even if not uncommon and pretty understandable.

  7. Lmao bro im sad for you but relieved to hear its not just me. I just talked to a girl for about a month and got ghosted so we out here just going through some bullshit together

  9. you’re burned out, not broken. you keep meeting people who want the *idea* of connection, not the responsibility that comes with it. that’s not on you.

    take a break but do it with purpose. stop dating to prove you’re “relationship material” and start vetting for emotional stability first. flakiness, vagueness, constant “not ready” talk – instant no.

    dating only feels pointless when you keep handing energy to people who haven’t earned it. raise your entry standards and you’ll date half as much, but better.

  11. Honestly, I think a main part of the issue is there is so much option out there with the dating apps, social media people are too scared to commit because they’re worried they’re gonna miss out on something “better”. Dating is just shit and I just don’t bother to save myself this sort of aggro. Sorry that you’ve gone through this

  12. Have had that happen, after 4 months, then she said she is too much going on in her life. But she continued to use dating apps and still see her profile pop up from time to time. But I have made at least one good friend from it. Meeting new people off the apps also gives me more of a social life getting out there and rarely does it end with just a single date.

  13. The “with you” is always silent! But that’s what dating is, not every person you go out with for a few months will be someone you’re in a relationshit with forever. Did you have fun hanging out with a hot girl? If yes then how wasn’t it “worth it”? I don’t get this perspective

  14. I just had the same happen with a guy that treated me so perfectly at the start. Things started to slow so I asked him if anything was going to come of us seeing each other and he made up these bullshit excuses, wanting me to wait 6 months so he could pay off his car before we could be in a relationship and if I catch ‘real big feelings’ in that time he’d end things.

    Basically people fucking suck and don’t give your heart to anyone until they actually prove that they’re worth it. I’m talking they go above and beyond, none of this basic human decency that people think are godlike, like buying dinner or shity presents.

    Ps. Fuck you to the dude I was seeing.

  15. I kind of can’t blame you; dating can be really rough, we all know it. But just try to remember, these are a few people you’ve had this experience with out of literally millions and millions of people. Despite what people say about the odds, they are actually in your favor: you will very likely meet someone that it works out with eventually.

  19. It’s not the women. It’s social media. There are far too many distractions now and instead of putting yourself out there people withdraw into themselves. FB and so many other varied apps all have the same intent. Reinforcing our beliefs and keeping us divided and in our corners so it sets us up to think there isn’t anyone out there for me. The ideal mate or partner can’t possibly be out there. Friends are where it’s at. Stop staring at a screen and find some eyes to look at. Learn new hobbies. Get out in nature. Try something, anything new.

  20. If it makes you feel better… i started going on dates this year and it always ends at the first date because they either dont feel the spark or they want sex without commitment. People suck.

  21. Same here. Seeing a girl for 6 months, wishy washy very often, but still seeing eachother and she assured me she wanted to be with me. We did have a talk about it several times and she always assured there was nothing else going on and she was just busy and tired with work. I was very confused and struggled to believe because her actions didnt match her words, but I kept my hopes she was actually genuine after several serious talks about it.

    Finally starts becoming even more flaky and avoidant after 6 months of dating, so I sent her a message letting her know I’m gonna walk since she is clearly not serious or even sincere about it, something felt really off. She claimed nothing was wrong but OK.
    The same day that I sent her that message I went to a gothic club in the night to dance and decompress and move on…

    Turns out she was there in the club, with another guy, kissing and making out. She avoided me and tried to cover her face for the whole night, but looking at me when I was looking the other way (I could see from the rear view). I just didnt gave a F and stayed and danced the whole night, while she was also there dancing and kissing this other guy literally next to me and doing her best to cover her face with her hair or give me her back all the time.
    Girls these days man.

  22. Had it happen to me a year ago. I’d been trying ever since to find someone else and it’s been basically dead in the water, my last date was Nov 30 last year. I’m exhausted with this lmao, both the apps and in person

  26. Oh, dating is so worth it you wouldn’t be saying this if you’d find the right one and your head over heels and Love this is just one girl they’ll be more. It’s just part of dating and it is worth it. It’s not worth it to you because you haven’t experienced all the amazing things on the other side of it, but the only way that anyone is in a relationship is because they dated don’t give up chin up.

  27. Its rough out here for the girls too, it just seems like men want to sleep with you and leave. I had a guy say we had too much in common and just wanted to be friends after we spent the night together, which seems kinda twisted to me but what do I know lol

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