This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I’ve been trying to manifest some goth baddies in public and the universe has been listening. I’m part of a hiking group and I started leading the evening groups recently outside of the main bigger groups. It was just me and this new girl who showed up. We hit it off for 3 hours on our walk, and have hung out a few times since. Don’t know her expectations/wants but she spent the night the other night and we just chilled and cuddled watching horror movies, that was all. Seeing the Black Phone 2 tomorrow with her. I will start talking about dating in general on week 3/4 or maybe less unless she brings it up sooner, but I’m completely fine to keep it casual as well.
By a pure stroke of luck and circumstances my boardgame/cooking night friends and I managed to reschedule the plans we had made to go out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. And the new date is my actual birthday.
It’s wild, I can’t honestly remember the last time I actually spent celebrating my birthday with friends on my actual birthday. I usually just have my parents and brother come over for coffee and cake the day of and that’ll be the end of it.
Guy friend always disappears when he starts back up again with OLD. 🙄🙄🙄
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Saw my guy Monday and am going on holiday tomorrow til next Monday. Was missing him already but today he said he’d pick up some mosquito spray I needed at the shop and drop it at my house on the way back from work so I got a bonus, fleeting kiss and cuddle 🥰
I think it’s safe to say I’ve fallen for him ðŸ¤
Does anyone feel like they just exist to go to work and not much else? Maybe part of it is being single but it’s depressing lmao
Well dating was great while it lasted. Like many others, I was furloughed the week the US government shut down. I was a ~month into dating a great woman. Never been in this position before, no idea how to lead the dating into an exclusive relationship while unemployed. Hope it’s not right person, wrong time.
How weird would it be for me (single 32 year old man) to invite my neighbor’s kid (5ish boy) to carve pumpkins with me? I’ve gotten to know them a bit, we pick up trash together on our block (his parents got him a mini trash picker, adorable) and he grabs my packages every time he sees I get a delivery and delivers them to me when I’m home
I love kids and want some of my own but that’s a 2 person equation and no luck so far
I texted my ex on Monday, no response (yet?). I’m raw dogging anxiety but I’m trying to focus internally.
We had an amicable break up last month and have been NC, initiated by her, sort of, because of her feelings of unequal love and an argument a week before. Things were going well, and she asked to check in on the relationship, and I had a negative somber reaction. I was trying to stop overthinking so basically it became an argument since I was enjoying spending time with her but having difficulty processing with the feelings for the long term (I didn’t have a “spark” with her but enjoyed her company a lot and thought we were very compatible) and the checking in added to that pressure for me. Multiple times during the relationship, we communicated how I can help show her love and that I did appreciate her, and I also asked for less digging from her on talking about my feelings. She found it hard to accept when I just said things are good, so she dug in on how I felt overall on the relationship, and it was making me feel pressured and guilty where I wanted to feel the appreciation for her and that happened in the day to day when I wasn’t overthinking about the relationship.
Anyway, I just kept having this internal struggle and so on the last check in, I (we both) reluctantly agreed that we should end it since it’s been 9 months.
After reading and reflecting for the past month, what I realize now is she provided me secure love and I was used to anxious love, so I sent her a message briefly about this and if she was open to meeting.
I texted her using an RCS message on Android to her on iMessage, but we normally used different messaging app for the most of our relationship, which she downloaded for me–so I assumed she deleted it, and she sent me stuff on IG. The RCS message was delivered, IDK how it looks like on her side on iMessage and my side with RCS on Android, but crickets.
If she’s like me, I try to archive/hide all my messages with an ex, so I’m unsure if it reached her, most likely it did.
I am thinking of sending up a follow up on IG to see if she received the message or not, but I’m trying to give it more time.
I’m trying to not engage with the anxious patterns of thinking the worst of the future.
It’s understandable that she would need time to respond to something so emotionally charged, if she even wants to, and she usually has therapy on Wednesday or Thursday evenings. And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be okay in the long run. I’ve been through this.
I put myself out there very vulnerably because the worse option for me is to not have tried.
Probably some of my coping mechanism is just posting here and looking at other’s having their own struggles which helps to not feel alone in this. I find it hard to focus on work and enjoy other things though, and now things just feel a bit empty.
So for working on my anxiety, there are some opportunities here for me to improve my habits on focus and less rumination. Put the phone in another room. Close the messaging apps on my laptop. Have a good workout. Go for a walk in nature. Gotta work on allowing my anxiety to have free reign on my actions, and instead, let me be present in my work, what I see around me, what I feel, hear, and the other people present in my life(!!).
I am writing this post because I’ve done well for the morning but wanted to vent it out ish here lol. Now back to work for the afternoon.
Was texting with someone last night about their favorite music (talking about music is something I love almost more than anything with someone) felt bold, asked her what she thought about doing a collaborative Spotify playlist with our faves. I added some last night, and saw she just added a bunch…I feel giddy!
I live in a smaller city (than most global ones), but it’s quite dense and I often see people I’ve seen on Hinge around where I work & workout. I’m pretty sure today I saw a guy I found cute and sent a bit of a cheeky message along with a like recently. He of course hadn’t matched back, and I’m now on pause. But damn, I still can’t figure how it works on OLD, I’ve been on and off the apps for 2 years now and not one guy I sent a like (95% of the time with a message) has liked me back. I am pretty picky, but still, quite crazy haha!
Boyfriend and I just scheduled our first overnight out of town trip two weeks from now. He’s gone with me up to my farm for a couple weekends over the summer, but this is different because it’s just for fun. My close friends also live in the place we’re going (touristy city previously I lived in), so he may finally get to meet them. An upside of not rushing anything and being an hour away from each other is that we’re still having a lot of firsts almost a year later.
After an awkward 2nd date ending, I think maybe I need to stop dating for awhile. I thought he was interested in me but the end of the date was just so weird. The date was for 5 hours and then he gave me a hug. I tried to kind of kiss him (I guess) and it was an awkward peck. I said “I can’t tell if you like me or not… just teasing” and he gave me a thumbs up. I was like what does that mean? And he said “I don’t like the teasing.” He then said, “I’ll let you know I got home safely, if you care.” I responded that of course I care. He texted to let me know he got home safely. It was just such a strange interaction.
I’m super bummed! I matched with this cute guy on the dating apps. We made plans this past Saturday for Friday and he just texted me saying he’s been battling with a cold and doesn’t think he’ll be over it by Friday and asked if we can push it back a week.
I don’t think he’s blowing me off and I feel like he’s still interested since he’s not ghosting me or canceling last minute, but still bummed since I’ve been looking forward to it all week.
I responded saying I hope you get well soon and you’ll have to make it up to me next week then haha. I thought the text was cute and playful, but I’m feeling soooo disappointed. 😠i just need to focus on my anxious attachment and tell myself I don’t even know him and he’s a stranger.
7 months ago I decided to join online dating for the first time ever. The first match I had, I messaged him first about something on his profile and we chatted for about a week before we set up a date. It lasted 11 hours because it turned out that we had a ridiculous amount of things in common… We’ve been out countless times since then and we *still* never run out of things to say lol. Even when we can’t see eachother we call and just talk for hours. It doesn’t even seem real. We’re both in our 40s and I am absolutely falling in love with this man. It just seems so relaxed and natural… No butterflies, no anxiety, no arguing…. Just happiness.
I’ve been on five dates with a guy over the past six weeks and had thought it was going well. We haven’t slept together yet but we had a sleepover the other night. Typically he’s reached out within a day or two to set up the next date but the last date I had to initiate and we don’t have a sixth date set up. We both have really busy schedules and he’s just started a new job so I don’t want to read too much into it yet. I sent him a text today asking if he was free Saturday night (it’s the only time I could see him) plus asked if he is free for a phone chat tonight. He hasn’t responded to either yet, so we’ll see. If he says yes to the date then if we can chat tonight I think I’d like to bring up the small shift I’ve noticed and just see if it’s because of his new job or if his interest is waning. I have a few other guys on hinge who are showing interest in going out so I don’t want to waste time/energy barking up the wrong tree.
About 2 weeks ago I gave my number (on a piece of paper) to a guy at his place of work (store). We had a little bit of history— chatted on a dating app about a year ago for a few weeks. He said he had to delete the app (it wasn’t for him) and sent me his number. I never texted or saved it. At the time, I wasn’t keen on moving forward with meeting because he had recently gotten out of a relationship. About 6 months after the app chatting, I saw him at this store and he came up to me. He asked me if I needed help (this is not a place where people asked that) and when I said I was good (I was feeling shy/ not having a great day), he told me “if I ever needed anything, let him know.” Since, we’ve exchanged glances, I’ve caught him looking at me a lot etc. In the last month, I decided I wanted to give him my number. It took a while to actually run into him after I’d decided this. I went up to him and asked if he remembered me and he said something like “of course,” I gave him my number and he seemed genuinely excited and sweet and it was a really cute interaction. I was really proud of myself, I’m not so good at being *this* kind of vulnerable even though I’m very extroverted or perceived that way. He hasn’t reached out which is a bummer and I feel like if he was going to, he would have by now. I think it;s likely he’s dating someone which I kind of wish he had disclosed when I gave him my number. (It’s all good– just feels good to type this out)
I deleted my apps and officially paused my active dating pursuits.
But I am still flirting with my ex-lover. I can’t decide if I’m being really smart or really stupid (or both). I guess you could say we’re friends now. But our friendship involves things like holding hands, dancing closely, kissing. He did make it clear that is where he’s drawing the line, that he doesn’t want to have sex again, because he doesn’t want to mess up our connection. And there is something really… hot about that. I just love a tease, what can I say.
But after spending several hours with my body very near his body this weekend, I went home super worked up, and that was fantastic. No complaints. But I’m also wondering how much either of us can resist temptation if we make these cuddle dates a regular thing.
One the one hand, my logic brain knows what I’m getting here. I can invite myself to his place anytime for cuddles and conversation, enjoy our rapport, and go home filled with desire. Which is fun.
He’s never going to be my boyfriend. He wouldn’t be a good boyfriend. And it’s nice having no expectation cuddles. It’s nice, having no expectation kissing and light teasing. It’s nice wanting someone so much. And I’m sure not having sex will make it easier to not get overly emotionally attached.
But I’m pretty sure, if we keep teasing each other, I’m going to get emotionally confused. And I also like the dynamic we have now. I like that I smile when I see him. I like that I want to dance with him. (I’m still at a place where I never want to see my most recent ex again).
No plans one way or another now. Maybe I’ll keep it to the monthly even we both attend.
Is this misguided or a great way to keep my romantic/sexual impulse on *some* target during my dating break? I’m not sure.
(My choice to do things like this is *why* I’m taking a break, ironically. Because this guy & my most recent ex were both clearly not emotionally available, in hindsight, but I developed pretty strong feelings and plowed forwards anyway because of my infatuation/attraction. Dammit, I have to stop dating guys I know from dance… it’s too dangerous).
I miss my girlfriend. I just saw her last Sunday so it’d only been 3 days, and I’m probably going to see her this Sunday. So it’s fine. But I find myself missing her more during the week when we’re not together.
I’m really popular with the women in the 80+ crowd. If only I could somehow attract women 50 years younger…
Going through an intensely hard time right now (medical issues AND car problems in the same month, in an insanely hcol area, on a low salary, while I was already job interviewing to hopefully get a slightly higher salary – obviously don’t want to stop that search now even though I’m constantly weeping and really not doing well physically). My boyfriend is so nice about everything, it’s the first time besides when my parents were alive that someone has used ‘we’ to talk about fixing a problem with me. I have a pathological dislike of being a burden so I feel awkward lugging my stressed, sick body around him but I’m trying to show my appreciation too.
Has anyone done a “funny” profile before? Like very obviously photoshopped pics of me holding a ton of kittens of climbing a mountain of holding a fish (I’m a woman looking for women)
I’m about to do this because i just want to see what kinds of “likes” I get on hinge. I’d want someone who thinks this is hilarious anyway, so it weeds out someone who doesn’t get the humor. Considering it a fun experiment, my profile is paused anyway since I’m not really looking all that hard
Just recently deleted all of my dating apps because I realized…I don’t actually want to date. It has been such a long time since I was in an actual relationship that was fulfilling, healthy and sustainable. Whether it’s from the people I’m choosing, the work I need to do on myself, or some combination of the two…it just dawned on me that I’m actually really happy on my own.
I also think I’ve been single for so long now, the idea of sharing my life again with someone seems absolutely foreign to me now. It’s actually really nice to be self centered, to only focus on myself and my own goals and my own wants and needs, rather than wondering how a partner would fit into it all.
I’m *not* going to do it because I know it wouldn’t be right, but I have a like from a man who is not attractive to me and per his profile (props to him for being honest, I guess) is still living with his separated-from wife (NO THANKS).
But he has what appears to be a MASSIVE brindle Mastiff and omg I wanna meet his dog soooooooo bad.
Is anyone going to a Halloween party/dressing up this year? What are you going to be?
Goddamn it, I’m losing interest in my feral dude and I can feel it. I was so excited for our third date and kept thinking about him. Our third date happened yesterday and now I feel overall less excited. I don’t think he did anything wrong per se, but I’m not sure anymore. And it sucks because I really liked him a lot and it’s starting to feel rare to find someone to like a lot
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I met a girl the other night and had a fun conversation with her and got good/interested vibes from her. However, she was there to meet someone else. She had a really hard time finding him and ended up chatting with me for longer than anticipated while she waited for him to find her (pretty crowded place). She didn’t seem in a rush to walk away but eventually i made a trek to the restroom and spotted him based on her description and told him that she was outside waiting. He gave me a noncommittal answer and stayed where he was. After i told her i found him and what he said she was basically like “yeah he’s easily overstimulated and this place is probably a bit much”, and i completely get that because it definitely was. She then went inside to find him.
I wish i had gotten her phone number because we seemed to be hitting it off but it felt odd since i knew she was there to meet someone else. Idk if they were romantically involved or not but it just didn’t feel right. I DO recall her telling me where she works (bartender) and was considering dropping by to see if she is there and might remember me. Is that weird or creepy?
I am 33F and I started dating this 32M for a month now. We both come from similar backgrounds; low income families. I have worked my ass off throughout my 20s both in my studies, moving abroad, learning new languages and during my professional career. I’ve met this guy who also went to colleague but got a normal job where he does not work too many hours and he told me he’s happy because his objectives are easy to reach and his boss appreciates him. He makes around 3.5 times less money than I do and is overall less ambitious.
I am dating intentionally and would like to one day build a family. He told me he does not have the capacity to be saving lots of money based on his current low salary and I wonder if that should be taken as red flag. Coming from a humble family, I do worry about my finances, try to save money and invest regularly thinking in the future. This is also in the current economic context of raising inflation and cost of living.
Other than that, he has other qualities aside from the fact that he’s quite consistent in his communication, shows interest when dating (more so than other men I’ve been dating recently). Those qualities include good humor, he’s quite tidy in his apartment, knows how to cook, exercises regularly and has good relationships both with his family and friends.
I wonder if I am over-worrying about that specific point (money) or if it’s a legit concern considering a future project together and whether anyone who has been in a similar situation could shred some light and piece of valuable advice. That would be much appreciated! <3