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Going on a 5th date tonight. We haven’t had sex yet and I feel like there’s pressure for that to happen. I’ve told him before I’m demisexual and need time to build attraction but I am still being flirty with him and want him to know I am interested in sex. I find him attractive and the physical stuff has been good so far but there’s this part of me that’s just like…. idk…. I barely even know this person still, I haven’t built up that desire for more intimacy yet. The ‘dates’ we’ve been on have mostly been casual hang outs at bars. Which is fun but they’re always very bustling and I feel like I’m not getting to know him on a deeper level.
Tonight is a similar thing, and I think I want to tell him that I’d like us to go on a “real date”. I feel weird asking for that because I don’t want it to come off like, oh you need to take me out all over town and pay for me to do stuff (I’m happy to split everything, not a money thing at all). But I’d like to go out to a nice dinner and see a movie or show or some activity. Like something a little more formal where we can really talk and connect just the two of us. I think having that kind of closer connection will make me feel a lot more interested in sex as well. I also feel like I should let him know kind of early on when we meet up that I’m still not ready for sex tonight, and that I have to go home kind of early (which is true, my work load is a mess this week and I typically don’t like going out on weeknights at all).
Do these seem like reasonable things to bring up? I feel kind of self conscious that I’m being too pushy? He seems pretty into me so I can’t see it being a big problem, but I’m not always good at asking for things clearly either.
My GF (F 32) wants a break from me (M36) and the relationship after 5 months of dating. We both have busy careers (I’m a registered nurse and she’s a choir director for a church and sings in choir after work) so we try and make the effort to see each other once a week on our off days or maximum once every 10 days. In august we had our first trip together which was great, made memories and we had a lot of fun. She warned me that in September, things would get very busy with her job and her other endeavors. I want to be 100% supportive but during that month of September, we only had one date, which felt really off vibe wise. I could tell that she was stressed (her car and apartment looked like a complete nuclear fallout) out and the dinner we had, while it was nice, was extremely expensive and she barely showed any signs of appreciation. She was more focused on her phone and whether her friend (Mary jane 27F) arrived safely from her trip. I get that. She’s her best friend but we were on a date and I found it rude that she focused on that instead of us.
Come October we had our first serious talk/argument. I mentioned that I noticed what we hardly spent time together and she still mentioned that she was busy but she acknowledged it. She says we lack compatibility but I disagreed and she kept changing reasons on why we weren’t working. ” Well the L word convo hasn’t come up”, ” I like intellectual conversations”. My retort against all that was that we barely have been spending time together as is, so of course its gonna feel like were not syncing together or those feelings of love are going to fade. She stated that I “Did nothing wrong” and that “I was the best BF she’s ever had, and you did everything right”. I tried to break up (to preserve my dignity), but she admitted what was really going on. It got to a boiling point where she was vulnerable with me and said that she’s afraid that she is going to be summoned as a priest for her church and she was worried if our relationship was going to be compatible with her life goals. That’s where she insisted on the 3 month break. She stated that she needs to see if our relationship is going to be able to work with her proposed future and I said i needed to do some growing ( Therapy which I started going to). And while I am areligous and mostly spirutual, I have been to one of her church services and if there was one church I would ever join, it would be hers. I really enjoyed it and everyone was super kind.
The length of the break is killing me. I attempted to reduce the time of the break to 2 months instead of 3 out of fears that we would grow apart. She just said that “if that’s what needs to happen, then it would be for the best”. That’s when I became very confused. This feels like a long and drawn out break up. I thought she would have more respect for me to at least break up with me on the spot with dignity. My body is processing this like a break up. I have Therapy scheduled for next week. I would talk to my friends about it but they always give me very bro-y advice. “Best way to get over a girl is to get under another one” and “F*** these trifling hoes. They don’t know what they want”. I need some advice on what to do. My gut instinct is telling me two different things. She is a very serious person. I definitely see her wanting to meet up after the break. But my gut is also telling me to end things because that’s were things might head to. I just don’t know…..
I feel for the people in the dating pool with how terrible some people can be. Hung out with a woman for the first time after I’ve been talking to her for about a week (we talked on the phone for hours and work a similar social services career). We barely flirted and we definitely didn’t talk about sex at all in any of our conversations. She actually initiated sex, which shocked me. We had sex a few times and after she wanted to make sure I wasn’t using her for a one night stand, which I wasn’t, but she literally initiated all of it to begin with. I just felt sad she had to ask that, I know it’s rough out there.
Today is the first day I genuinely don’t care about the guy that dumped me anymore and it feels so good! Crazy how I found him so hot before and how he’s absolutely unattractive to me now. I’m proud for wishing someone better for myself. Going to focus on work and friends for the time being and plan a little trip, maybe buy a new purse. I feel like being nice to myself to make up for how poorly I let that guy treat me.
I yearn, therefore I exist
I’m biting the bullet and going on a second date tonight. I don’t have high expectations. I have a feeling he may just after a hookup.
Very briefly saw the last ex and it was enough to make me go “damn, why is he still so sexy” and when I told my friend, she made this face like, girl you are crazy, and said he has a weird face (she later explained it’s that he’s kinda asymmetrical).
I honestly like the character in his face, and, sadly, I still find him devastatingly sexy, though the whole rejection there really killed my mojo. But I still appreciate her honesty (she was never shy about how she didn’t like him). And it led to a conversation about how I could pull anyone we know ’cause I’m hot shit, and that was lovely.
I love having girlfriends who talk me up and remind me to keep my standards high. (Even if sometimes she’s a little too real about how I shouldn’t follow my desire blindly).
I asked to define the relationship after 3 months of exclusively dating and he said he was scared of commitment so we had to break it off.
Super bummed about it because he was genuinely a cool person and checked all of the important boxes for me. I know he liked me too but he succumbed to his avoidant tendencies and was afraid to label it even though it was basically a relationship already.
I sent him a nice text thanking him for everything and he replied back and said he had fun and he’s sad about breaking up but its for the best that we part ways and then he blocked me.
I care about him a lot and really hope he takes the time to reflect on himself and heal his relationship traumas so he doesn’t fall into the avoidant attachment cycle over and over again.
An update to my [last post](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1o4rblx/comment/nj5m3lj/).
It turns out that 41F-B is not available for a relationship. I thought I had to make a choice and I chose… poorly.
Now it’s time to take a long hard look at myself and figure out what, inside of me, is so averse to the idea of dating multiple people. On some level it felt wrong and antithetical to my values… but letting go of a seemingly compatible person also sucks.
A part of me wants to reach out to 41F-H again but that seems incredibly pathetic, at least for now (right?). I think I’ll take a bit of a break from the apps. I’m feeling disappointed and sad and a bit angry at myself, but I’ll chalk this up to a teaching moment and see what I can learn from it.
I just really hope that this pain is a sign of growth and not of stupidity. We move on either way.
I told him I loved him last weekend. Feels good to have finally let it out.
Got dumped after 6.5 months.
I feel annoyed at myself, I fell into the exact same patterns as my last failed relationship and now that it’s too late to do anything about it I suddenly see all my mistakes and his flaws with perfect clarity. I don’t know what happens to my brain in relationships it’s like I’m just in a fog. Hopefully if I fall into this pattern for a third time I’ll remember this feeling and do something about it earlier.
As the man, when do you normally initiate physical contact (hand on waist, holding hands, stuff like that)?
Second night where she’s gone from texting loads to sending a reply at 10pm (and then going to bed at half 10). Gave her some options for meeting tomorrow and she just says I don’t mind. Ffs.
The anxiety in my anxious attachment is starting to turn to I cba anymore when they’re putting in this low effort.
It sucks as on the weekend we had one of the best dates I’ve been on (6th date) and thought we were getting closer. Isn’t it funny how much things change come a new week.
Last weekend was dead painful. But I went through it, I faced it, and now I’m on the other side, still alive.
Being single has been a challenge since my last dating experience. I really saw myself with that girl, but like many other stories out there, it ended before it could even become something. It made me realized that I’m now ready to get back into something serious. Today, I’m moving through life… alone. But, somehow I feel those days are numbered, universe is telling me something’s good gonna happen soon enough.
Spent a weekend with my ex (and hooked up) over the summer while he was in town. Since he went back, we’ve barely spoken maybe a text here or there. I wanna see where things go but kinda hesitant to keep reaching out. Idk what to say or talk about lol He’s kinda dry texter too ngl 🤷🏼♀️
I sent out a booty call text like the freaking bat signal this morning… he hasn’t responded 😫 Once again here wishing it was easier to find consistency with someone.
It is hard and lonely to go through this life alone lol
If i’m having a coffee date, as a male, how should I sit? Normally I’m sitting across from her, but should I learn forward? Lean back? Sit straight all the time with perfect posture for as long as possible?
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Healing sure ain’t linear, and I sure am a glutton for pain.
I’m starting to feel more like myself after dealing with the weird ghosting/slow fade situation that occurred over the past 2-3 weeks (after dating the guy for 2.5ish months). But my self-control ain’t quite where I’d like it to be, so I looked at his FB page earlier this evening… and he was active on there for the first time since before I sent my closure text messages on Sunday evening. It was some non-substantive re-posting of shitposting, but still, it stung to see him do anything online after sending a very thoughtful, vulnerable message and getting 0 response.
Many of you helped with my post earlier regarding the guy I’m seeing potentially having another women come into town and stay with him. Although I’m really heartbroken I think you all are right. If he doesn’t cancel this, I need to end it. Because that’s quite a clear message to me honestly.
I really wish there was romantic energy between me and ex-FWB. I’d pick him over every single guy I’ve met this past year except one.
The only surest way to get someone to spend time with you is to dangle sex as a carrot 😐
K like legit, one of the memories that stick out in my head from my dating adventures this year was a guy I had 3 dates with. I wasn’t putting out, so he carried me to his bed “just to see [me] there”. And then gave me this look and retreated back out 😐
Had zero interest in dating for 4 years. Then had such a movie style meet cute with someone in real life (!) that I was into, he into me. Unforgettable. It awoken me to “whoa maybe I would like a relationship”. Talked steadily for a couple of weeks, fun flirty etc but he turned out to be a dick in the end. Done and dusted. Glad I found out before it escalated.
My issue though is, this kind of became Pandora’s box of emotions. I wish I could be like I was before I met him. Like a gateway drug reminding me I do desire touch.
Bad news: I bowled my worst series yet, and I’m really frustrated in myself because I’m not improving.
Good news: One of my teammates got a video of my bowling, I’m not sure if I should take a screenshot from it, or post the video as is? Maybe edit it? Can you all help me decide what to do with it?