I have absorbed and internalised criticism about how locking myself away is not nessesarily a winning strategy in pursuing an enjoyable life, but nonetheless I seem to be incapable of actually making any friends. All my grad classmates, fellow dance class goers, improv class members: all are mere acquaitances and I do not understand how to make friends at all among them.
It’s not like I am closing myself off and refusing to share some deep parts about myself, but I feel like I am merely tolerated in every collective and not appreciated. Nobody really enjoys my company and I think I can feel it. I just happen to be “there”.
I am a part of anything no more than a standing lamp is, just taking up space and illuminating things sometimes. I simply do not understand what I should do to find people who care.