I’ve (32F) have had bad experiences this year dating two men my age. One 32M, another 33M the other 35M. The 32 year old pretty much love bombed me and then ghosted and then came back and said he wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship. Okay that’s fine but why lie to me? The 33M was a liar and seeing someone else, and the other made it seem like he was so ready and wanted something serious, even went as far as saying he didn’t want to see me with anyone else and the switches up on me saying he’s so busy and can’t commit and doesn’t have time for a relationship but yet it seems like younger guys are ones who are more committed and I keep trying to not date younger, (maybe it’s the stigma that we’ve engrained to ourselves but starting to think maybe I should give them a chance) I know that a few older guys doesn’t speak for all but it seems that in dating apps, the older they are, the less they want us? Maybe it’s just me but I feel like it’s such an interesting shift when you get older as women how the dating scene also changes.
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It’s because they haven’t broken time and time again in relationships
The older we get, the more baggage we carry. That also means our ability to accept other people’s baggage declines over time. One would think it would go the other way, but our responsibilities have to be met first. Finding a partner whose life you can accept into your own is the challenge; finding just a partner is easy.
When I was in my ’20s, I thought I was ready for everything. Older women feel younger and more excitement when they can keep up with somebody who’s their junior. This is a generalized statement, but one that I’ve found to be the case now that I’m in my later thirties.
Maybe the longer someone lives the more likely the better partners get paired off? Or at least the more long term focused partners. I see something similar to this talked about a lot when men talk about women too
Plenty of good 30 somethings are out there so hopefully you can find someone who shares your goals soon, it just might be an uphill battle finding them
Im the type of guy who is single probably because I only want to be with someone i can see myself being with long term, building something real and long-lasting. Ive been single near 20 years. In the past like 8 years I’ve met a girl I really like but sadly she dont want me so. 🤷♂️ But I’ve come to see her as someone id want to build with.
I’m 27 and I’ve also noticed this. I’m assuming its because the older guys have probably already been through a couple of commited relationships that didn’t work out and are now over it/damaged, and instead of getting therapy or working through those issues they just go off to damage more people. The younger guys seem to be extra lonely and have little to no experience in dating so they’re wide eyed, bushy tailed and full of hope for something they fantasize about but never actually experienced, where as the older guys are just bitter and jaded. I will say it does seem like the younger guys do seem to be more put together/stable than the older guys, but thats just from personal anecdotes.
Age doesn’t determine your relationship goals. The average age of marriage for men is 30, so they met partner in 20s. I think you should look for men as young as 28, you’re within 4 years so can be on same timeline if want kids.
Less experience also directly translates to less baggage. We also low key joke about depression and mental issues so it’s not a kick in the nuts when it really hits. You are already aware of it.
It is entirely due to financial stability and security. When we’re young, inexperienced, and the future is uncertain, we worry about what adult life will be like all alone. Then, when we grow up and become completely financially independent, our worries dissipate because we feel like we got this and don’t need anyone else.
I think because the generations were raised differently. I’ve noticed differences too, but I don’t think it’s just age, I think it’s a generation type difference, ie a shift in culture.
Adverse selection
I am just here to also get answers/opinions from the comments. 😆
When I was younger I definitely didn’t want a relationship but I only pursued older women because it was fun getting them after they kept saying I was too young. Now that I’m older I’m not really into women my age and definitely not older than me, mostly because they rarely are as physically fit or have taken care of themselves as much as I have. I’m in my late 30s with no children or prior marriages.
the younger guys are down until shit gets real
I’m 34M and one of the top things I want right now is a committed relationship on the path towards marriage and family. I’m getting older, it’s frustrating I haven’t found the right relationship yet. Came super close once, came sort of close twice.
If I don’t want to commit to a woman at this point it would mean I’m not interested in her long term and I’m just with her until I find something better. She is nice to spend time with in other words, but we have some fundamental disconnect. I try to be clear about this however so that expectations are not misaligned.
It’s bc the 30 year olds that are emotionally available and ready are already snatched up in relationships. Better go younger to get what you want.
Girl, same! The younger ones are so eager too. For me, i have a hard time seeing them as a partner vs someone I’ll have to teach lol
I think they saw everything in their life and still didn’t find a good partner, so they are confused. I’m 28 and heading towards the same.
Maybe the older guys you’re looking for aren’t on the apps. Speaking as a man your age, who isn’t on the apps, and IS looking for that.
I’ve encountered everything you’re talking about. I’ve even tried dating significantly older. Divorcees with grown or near grown kids and omg it’s not any better. For the first time in my life, I’m strongly considering dating younger. I usually turn away younger men but now I’m thinking about taking the next one seriously. I’m really starting to understand why women become Cougars. There are just sooooo many men our age that are emotionally unavailable and a waste of time. I’m tired of sifting through them, trying to find one who isn’t lying about knowing what they want. /rant
Besides inexperience like others suggest, maybe one possible controversial reason is by early mid 30s those guys who do want a LTR, do commit, and have the emotional intelligence/availability have already been picked off? As a 25M, it pains me to be rejected just because I’m 2-5 years younger than someone when everything else is great, while that person chases some early mid 30s guy who’s a waste of time. It feels like my age is stamped on my forehead. The problem will solve itself eventually lol.
It’s a tale as old as time. Women dating older men is nothing new. But it feels more relevant and prevalent than ever, in my experience. And those who gave the good younger men a shot? Seem pretty damn happy!
The hard truth both men and women have to face is that all the good ones get married in their mid 20s. At least, that’s how it is in my social circle.
If you can find
I don’t know anyone, who is single in my age group (mid 30s to early 40s) who isn’t jaded and resentful or wasn’t relationship material in the first place.
We’re all leftovers and I’m fully aware that I’m nobody’s dream husband and any future relationship will be full of compromises.
I’m not ready to sacrifice my independence for that and I’m not sure I’ll ever will be. At the moment I really enjoy being single after a very long relationship.
I feel like that you shouldn’t invest too much time into finding your life partner past age 30, it can happen for sure, but the number of people who do are very few and far between.
M28 Personally If I ever find someone I’d want it to be serious even if I’d find it difficult, but I just gotta get some level of confidence to do that :,)
Younger dudes are much more frequently overlooked than older dudes so they’re much more likely to want to commit and have a fulfilling, loving relationship with a woman and also are more likely to view older women as more mature, wise, stable, etc.
It’s a natural pairing.
idk but im lucky to have found my bf at 31. he is 32. he didnt date from age 25-32.
he did have some spurts of action here and there but nothing serious.
we met and hit it off since then.
Probs just your experiences, its impossible to generalise.
Also the younger men may nit know what theyre signing up for
Maybe the older we get the peackier we get
I’m 36M and all I’ve ever wanted is a committed relationship. But that’s never going to happen since I can’t even get a woman to go on a single date with me.
As a man in his mid 30s, let me tell you, i’m tired of having my emotions played with, tired of being manipulated, i’m tired of women who dont know what “emotional maturity” means, i’m tired of women who try their ever loving damndest to out run accountability, sick of having to endlessly chase after women who just want to feel validated. Im tired of women getting mad at me for setting boundaries, I’m tired of women who never actually say what they mean, but they want me to “just know what they mean.” Im tired of women who say shit like “as a man you should…..” I’m just so fuckin tired of being expected to pay all the bills and pamper a full grown adult. All these statements are from a wide range of woman from 23-45, women with kids, without kids, and different races. The only thing I havent done yet is become a fuckin passport bro.
I have damn near everything else I could possibly want in my life. I’ve made most of my dreams come true. I have almost all the things I’ve dreamt about in childhood, ive done almost all the things ive ever wanted to do, I have a living supportive family, and I’m genuinely happy. I dont need or want a woman who is going to come along and try to change me, minimize my accomplishments, look down on the things I love, or just flat out disrespect me for fun then turn around and play victim.
If I find a healthy individual who im attracted to mentally and physically I’d happily give her a chance. But it genuinely feels like women find new ways to hurt me every time I give them a chance outside of, “we are JUST going to keep things casual.”