When I was 17 I made what I feel like a huge personal mistake that haunts me to this day. At the time (2012), I lacked the emotional intelligence, maturity, and was stupid horny teenage boy to handle the situation.
When I was middle school, I had a crush on a Girl(A). We were friends, but then she moved to different school near by when I was 14. Instead of letting the friendship fizzle out, I made a point to regularly hangout with her. It was just me and her almost like dates, but we did not call them dates. We would hangout, see movies, get ice cream,etc.
In the summer of the 2012, we started dating officially. I was so excited when we started dated. She checked so many boxes for me as a romantic partner,but she was did not feel the same. Our first kiss, she tensed up like a brick wall and the chemistry just fizzled. Maybe she was nervous. After the second date, she asked to go back to being friends without a lot explanation. In moment, I took it well or at least was processing it since after the breakup we went to see the Averages together like a normal day. I do not recall saying anything harsh at the time,but I was upset in my head. I might have said something over text awhile later.
Soon after this the school year started, another Girl(B) and I agreed to go to homecoming together. We hit it off and we started dating. During this time, I had light contact with my ex/crush Girl(A). Girl(A) and Girl(B) had been loose friends in middle school. We all hung out together twice early in my relationship with Girl(B) and I remember having fun. As my relationship with Girl(B) continued I stopped seeing Girl(A). Girl(B) and I were not best fit,but I was horny teenage boy and liked having a girlfriend. I stayed with the Girl(B) until the end of my senior year of high school. After the breakup with Girl(B) happened, I reached out to Girl(A) because I honestly missed her company as a friend. We met once on a rainy day in Starbucks. She seemed crushed and depressed, the conversation was not very natural,but forced. In retrospect, I should have apologized for not spending anytime with her . In retrospect, I should have not let our friendship fizzled,but after being romantically rejected, it was difficult for me to process that.The relationship ended after that. Now, that I am older, I can recognize that she might have been conflicted in her sexuality or simply not ready for a relationship.
Recently,I was curious about where Girl(A) had gone in life. I was able to find her on social media. I am thinking of reaching out though I am not sure if this would be welcomed or what to say. I would like to apologize, but after that I do not know what. I have this fantasy that we will hit it off again and it will turn romantic. I recognize this is unlikely, but the chance is tempting.
How do I best approach this? A short apologize and see what happens?
TLDR: Do I reach out to my old crush?