My husband had plans with his friends to go golfing today at a new golf course, which is 2 hours away from where we live. He would’ve been gone all day, and this might’ve been the last time he gets to go for this year with winter coming. We have two young kids, and I’m currently sick with some sort of cold or flu, and I feel like garbage. Last night I asked my husband if he would stay home if I was still feeling shitty, which was a bit of a tense conversation, but he did say he would if I was “feeling that shitty”. So here we are, it’s the morning he’s supposed to go, and I said I would really prefer not to be left home by myself with the kids all day when I’m still not feeling very good. He said Ok, but now he’s moping with a look on his face like someone just killed his dog. It’s making me feel like I shouldn’t have asked him, and just suffered through so I wouldn’t have to feel so guilty about asking him to stay home, but the other part of me feels like he’s being kind of childish…thoughts??


26 comments

  1. He is entitled to feel disappointed to have his plans fall through, especially if it was planned in advance and he may not be able to reschedule, but at the same time he shouldn’t make you feel at fault. You cannot control if you get ill and if you are legitimately too unwell to care for your children, their needs come first. Just acknowledge he is disappointed, but also that you don’t want him to feel like you are at fault either. These things do happen.

  3. Just suffer through his being edit: disappointed and try to drop your feelings of guilt. He can mope all he wants, doesn’t change his responsibilities as a parent. I understand it being disappointing but it’s not like you did it on purpose. Illness happens. Just do your thing, ask him again next time because you’ve done nothing wrong, and let him mope about all he wants. (depending on his level of “mope all day” tbf, that’s a subjective determination lol).

    I mean, how guilty would he feel if you had to cancel plans because he got sick and you needed to watch the kids?

  4. I mean, I understand being disappointed. It sucks. He can mope. But he’s your partner and you needed him. You don’t have to feel guilty because he’s disappointed. I feel like it’s kinda unrealistic to expect him to be happy about it.

    That being said, I don’t know how egregious he’s acting.

  5. These comments are ridiculous. He’s allowed to feel disappointed about needing to cancel plans and not seeing his friends. Scheduling a full day excursion like this is difficult when your friends are all adults with children and responsibilities. He didn’t even say anything to OP, she just doesn’t approve of his facial expression and is making herself feel guilty in response, and then is mad at him because she feels bad.

    The same people will complain about men not having friends or hobbies or showing their feelings, and then turn about and mock them for having friends and showing their feelings.

  6. So let him mope. He’s entitled. He stayed home, didn’t complain but he looks sad because he is sad. Is that not okay? It’ll be around six months before he can go out and play with friends again and having plans cancelled last minute due to circumstances you can do nothing about sucks. 

    Give the man a day or so before calling him childish. And people wonder why men are bad at showing emotion.. gets called childish for being sad for a few hours jfc..

  7. Did he actually say something, or are you feeling guilty because he’s disappointed?

    He stayed home, he can mope if he is disappointed. Go sleep and ignore him. Is it slightly childish he is moping? Of course, but even adults can be disappointed by plans falling through.

  8. He is allowed to show some emotion. As long as he isn’t being passive aggressive or taking it out on the kids in some way, it’s ok. You don’t need to feel guilty because he is experiencing a negative emotion, you didn’t do anything to him. This is just the circumstance you find yourselves in. You aren’t responsible for making sure he never has a non-preferred experience. He stayed home, he hopefully is making the best of it, he is just sad he didn’t get to do the thing he wanted. That’s understandable.

  9. Being there. But my wife comes first. Other activities can be rescheduled. We never plan being sick or other major life events. Shit happens at time. It’s part of life.

  10. I can understand his disappointment but hopefully he gets busy with the kids and sees he was needed at home. He signed up to be a husband and father before he signed up for golf. You stay in bed as much as possible and let him work his magic.

  11. It makes sense to feel sad when your plans are cancelled. Pay him no mind. Lay in bed and watch a movie until you fall asleep, it’ll be okay

  13. I’ve noticed generally in real life and online that men seem to suffer with FOMO far more than women and seem to struggle more with sacrificing their hobbies than women do during pregnancy and early parenthood.

    Of course, this is just my own observation, but there does seem to be a theme. Is this social conditioning I wonder? Or something biological that makes men need their alone time hobbies that often include other men.

  14. Disappointed is fine, sulky is not. Family comes with responsibilities, and he needs to get over his sad feelings and take proper care of you and the kids.

  15. Shit happens. You feel a little guilty because you could probably do it. He feels bummed because (as a golfer) he likely was really looking forward to a special round on a new course w buddies. Both are totally understandable.

    To me it’s a “thanks for staying. I know it sucked to miss that and I’ll make it up to you. Life happens.

    But you deserve for him to step up when needed without coddling. So “Please next time don’t make it so hard on me to make a good decision.”

    Relationships are hard.

  17. “It’s making me feel like I shouldn’t have asked him,…”

    His number one and two roles in his life are to be a father and husband first and foremost. Did you both forget about “….In sickness and in health”? He can pout all he wants, yes he is being childish.

  18. So lock yourself in your room to sleep and get better and let him take care of the kids and work through his disappointment.

  20. He gets to feel bummed. That isn’t your job to fix.

    Since he has the kids focus on healing.

  22. It’s okay that he’s disappointed. He was looking forward to it.

    This kind of stuff happens when you’re a parent. Life happens.

    Don’t take his mopyness personal.

  23. Overall: While he’s allowed to be bummed, he’s an adult with responsibilities. He needs to put on his big boy pants and deal and stop putting on a performance.

    Though I would say to you: make sure you’re not projecting additional feelings/moods onto him. (As in, maybe he’s a bit bummed, but you’re seeing the moping for more than it is.)

  24. I mean. If it’s possible the last time for a while and he’s had these plans and been excited it’s fine for him to be upset, he’s there and present for the kids like you asked. Go to the room and make yourself feel better, isn’t that what you wanted ?

  25. One night, food poisoning suddenly came on. When I get stomach bugs or food poisoning, it hits me hard. I was not well. My husband was at an important dinner meeting, and typically they go for drinks after, so I texted him to let him know I wasn’t feeling good, if he could possibly come home after dinner. He left dinner early and was home within 20 minutes to help me and take over parenting duties of our 4 year old.

    I get that ypur husband was likely looking forward to his round, so its disappointing to have plans changed at the last minute, unfortunately for him, that’s part of parenting.

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