I already posted this in r/BreakUps for support, but I’m also looking for relationship-based perspective here, whether honesty and accountability can ever fix something like this.
We were together for 2.4 years. We met online — I was starting my accelerated nursing program, and she was a 3rd-year med student about to begin her 4th. It was a tough time for both of us, especially for her, but we adapted, supported one another, and built a genuine connection. When she matched into her pathology residency, I was so proud of her. I really believed we were growing together, late-night study sessions, weekend calls, small gestures, everything.
She’s now a pathology resident, and I work as an ER tech. Through her residency, I did my best to be supportive, bringing her food, studying alongside her, being someone she could lean on when she was exhausted. But through it all, I was hiding something I was ashamed of.
I told her I was a nurse when I wasn’t. The truth is, I failed out of nursing school twice and was put on a three-year probation before I could reapply. Instead of waiting, I decided to switch paths and pursue dental hygiene. I didn’t do that because I gave up. I did it because I didn’t want to sit around and do nothing. I didn’t want her to see me as a bum or someone who’d rely on her once she became a doctor. I wanted to stand on my own, to contribute, and to make something of myself.
The truth came out unexpectedly. She noticed my hospital role still said “ER PCT” and asked about it. I panicked. It was five days before her board exams, one of the most stressful times in her life, and I blurted everything out. I didn’t mean for it to happen then. I know that timing made it ten times worse. She already had so much on her shoulders, and I added betrayal on top of it.
She told me that she had forgiven my past mistakes, but lying was something she couldn’t move past. That I’d made things harder for her when she needed calm the most. And she’s right. I let fear dictate my choices, and it cost me the person who meant the most to me.
I never lied to take advantage of her or to gain anything. I lied because I was scared…scared of losing her, scared of being seen as a failure by someone I admired so much. But I realize now that I robbed her of the choice to love me truthfully.
She told me she needs space, and I respect that completely. I’ve been reflecting every day since, on honesty, accountability, and how I can grow from this. But I still love and care for her deeply. We connected in a way I’ve never experienced before. We were so alike, so genuine, and it hurts knowing she probably despises me now.
I’m not asking for pity, just perspective. Can something like this ever be forgiven with time and growth? Or is it the kind of betrayal that ends things permanently, no matter how real the love was?
TL;DR: We met online while I was in nursing school and she was in med school. I failed out, switched to dental hygiene so I could move forward and not rely on her, but lied and told her I was a nurse out of shame. She found out after noticing my hospital role, and I panicked and confessed five days before her board exam. She broke up with me. I still love her deeply, but I don’t know if something like this can ever be forgiven.