My wife and i have been married 12 years. A loving marriage on a regular basis. A little over a month ago, after a fight, she told me the old, I love you but im falling out of love.
For a month we continued to date and talk, trying to respark something. I thought things were getting better. About a week ago we went to our first counseling session. The weekend after the session we got into another fight. Throughout the week she has been hot and cold with affection, until Thursday she brought home apartment applications.
She keeps telling me she doesnt know what she wants but feels that she needs space and separation, that im suffocating her at this point. She said the recent fight is what is pushing her now. And i asked again if she was sure, and she said idk what i want to do. I told.her since she's not sure, I asked if she was willing to try to create separation in the house. We can alternate on the couch etc. She agreed to it. She said the apartment thing was after the latest fight, but I found stuff she bought for her new place, time and date stamped before the latest fight, hours after our 1st marriage counseling session.
She told me her heart wants us but after our fight, her mind and putting logic to our relationship says this isnt working. I took the last opportunity before letting her have her space to tell her that being "in love" is not a 24/7 thing for 12 years. Sometimes the hustle of life makes it seem less than what it really is. I told her its okay to use logic but I think she's using that to prevent allowing what her heart wants. Once she forgives me for the fight (and she's already admitted she has seen me change and im in individual therapy), that we wouldn't have an issue finding that feeling again.
Im still trying to give her space, lead by example and show her that I am still the man that she loves and hears her, by allowing space and being non judgemental. Just trying to reconnect some small talk, taking charge of all household decisions etc. Its not over yet, shes willing to still do all the things that keep up the appearance to friends and family means shes still not 100% sure. If she was sure shed fill out the application for her apartment and be gone.
After 24 hours of me letting her be and not constantly begging and pleading, she seems to have adjusted a bit. She was a bit flirty and playful last night when we were in the same room, and she told me she loved me before I went to my respective room for the night.
We share each other's locations, she is always home or at work, dropping kids off etc. The location sharing shows a history and time stamps. There is almost no way she is cheating physically. When I ask if I can see her phone she hands it over without hesitation and I cant find anything. If there is an affair it is emotional and very well hidden.
No I will not tell her dont let the door hit ya on the way out.
She is depressed and was before our first fight over a month ago. One of my last requests is that she seek help before she makes her final decision.
But the pain of this all is unbearable, I try to sleep but after a few hrs i wake up with my heart aching in excruciating pain. To know I let the love of my life walk away is such a hard pill to swallow. I have no idea how to cope with this, I am deeply in love with her.