Just looking for some honest thoughts from guys in their 40s (or older) who are single, doing well in life, and not really chasing a relationship.
A little about me — I’m 37, was married once, no kids. Life’s pretty good overall. I’ve got a great relationship with my family and close friends. Sure, I get lonely once in a while, but most of the time I really enjoy the freedom.
Financially, I’m in a solid place. I own my home, car’s paid off, no debt except a small mortgage. Got a little over $2M invested, and I pull in over $400k a year. So yeah, I’m comfortable. Here I wanted to add that I don’t share my finance with my dates and I live way below my means (I usually buy a few shirts under $12 in the summer from thrift stores and I cook at home most of the time).
Honestly, being single doesn’t bother me much… except when I travel. That’s when I sometimes wish I had someone special to share those moments with.
I’ve gone on a bunch of dates over the past few years, and they mostly fall into these buckets:
- No chemistry — which is totally fine. I’ll usually say something kind and wish them the best.
- No effort — like we’ll be dating for over a month, maybe ten dates in, and I’m the only one planning stuff, texting first, paying for everything. Just had to walk away from something like this. We’d been seeing each other for over a month, and if I didn’t text her, I’d hear nothing.
- Dishonesty — some say they’re all about mutual effort and respect, then suddenly I’m being asked to fund their vacations, luxury shopping, even rent. One girl straight up asked me if I’d cover her monthly rent.
- No drive — either they’re not working, or they’ve got no interest in growing, learning, staying active, whatever. Just stuck in place.
I’m still hopeful, but dating has started to feel like a drain. The energy, time, and money I’ve put into it haven’t brought much back, and honestly, I’d rather spend those resources on things that actually make me happy and fulfilled.
So to the guys out there in their 40s or beyond — what’s your perspective? How’s life treating you? Any advice or insights would be awesome.
Thanks in advance.