Hello, hopefully this is the right subreddit – please lmk if it's not. Per the title, my husband has stepped up an insane amount for our first pregnancy. Cleaning, putting furniture together, making and getting me food, massages, you name it – he's doing it.

Thing is, I don't know how to repay him! I'm quite sore/pregnant so I can't do much physically – but I'm open to spending money on him to show him my sincere appreciation!

Men, who are expecting, who expected – who felt appreciated by their parter; please help. Especially if your love language is acts of service! Because I'm pretty sure hubby's is, but there's not too many acts I can do anymore.


43 comments

  2. don’t really need to tbh aside from a bit of verbal acknowledgement. blokes enjoy this type of service, feels like we’re doing what we’re meant to, and it’s not like you’re not about the get your back blown out over the next 18 months holding down your end of the deal. it’s working like normal functioning relationships should and ‘repayment’ isn’t part of the deal, acknowledgement is.

  3. In the moments you’re frustrated or disappointed, keep today in mind and judge him more kindly.

    It will happen. Bank the good feelings and use them to preserve an amazing future without anger or resentment.

  4. I don’t intend for this to sound rude but is it his money you’ll be spending? I’m not trying to make assumptions here but if it was the case where my future wife was spending my money to buy me stuff i’d be on the fence about it. But don’t underestimate how much we value your words of appreciation and small physical gestures of affection. They go a lot further than you might think

  5. Give him a big hug and tell him how much you appreciate him.

    That will go a long way.

  7. Take care and don’t do shit. Your husband doesn’t wants you to do shit because you’re pregnant, best way to reward his efforts is to not do shit and take care of yourself and the baby-to-be, if you want to compensate his efforts wait until the baby is born (There will be a ton of shit to do).

  8. Honestly, there will be parts of pregnancy where you will have bad days and fight to remember how helpful and how much love he is showing you. I don’t expect my wife to fawn over me at all (and female hormones are a bitch with what yall go through) but it can be frustrating to go hard for your wife and do extra, then you have a day where you get tired and the wife’s claws come out.

  11. Just remember it.

    My friend did everything from the moment he found out his wife was pregnant. All she did, both publicly and privately, was bite his head off. He was miserable for a year and a half and now refuses to have a second child.

  12. I think continued sex or maintaining the sex life till term. Also something for him and baby like a best daddy sort of matching outfit.

  13. Be the best Mom you can be. I loved tending to my wife when she was pregnant. It brought me great joy.

    A nice deep clean professionally done male for a nice treat as well.

  15. Verbalize your appreciation.

    Give him a hug and tell him you love him.

    Remember how much effort he put in when things get tough and he can’t do as much as he’s doing now.

    Pay it forward when he needs help.

  16. I wife bought me flowers. And you know what? I fucking loved them. It brought me to tears.

    Not many men get flowers before their funeral.

  17. This post alone would mean everything to me. So many people just want to talk shit or gossip about their partner (why?). He would love knowing hes acknowledged for what hes contributed.

  19. Nothing.

    I’m not one to keep score, but maybe just verbally acknowledge his effort. Tell him this.

  21. Most men’s love language is acts of service, that is why and how we build entire civilizations unnoticed by the elite and ignorant.

    Say thank you, and I love you, and that’s it. Definitely don’t waste money buying dumb shit.

  23. Biggest thing is just showing true love and appreciation. That and not coming off as simply being lazy and waiting for him to do things.

    Edit, another part of it is long term, right now he may be doing a lot for you because you’re pregnant and that’s totally ok but at some point in the future the tables will turn (life just throws us things) you’ll be all good and he won’t be. Maybe he gets hurt or sick or loses a parent, who knows, but then you’ll step up and be there for him.

  24. He is doing all of this because you are a team now. He knows his role and I imagine he is doing all of these things for the family because he loves you and wants to be there for his family. I’m sure he doesn’t see this as anything more than his duty. You found a good one and my suggestion would be to maybe wright down your thoughts in a letter of gratitude to give him and check in with him to see how he is doing. Acknowledge his hard work and compassion. Make sure he feels seen.

  25. A blow job at an unexpected moment, and try not to be a dick to him when you get massive and hormonal

  26. As a guy who’s been through this twice: He knows. And all the thanks he wants is for you to have a healthy and safe pregnancy.

  29. I am 29 weeks with our third. This time around I am more sick than I have ever been and he is the sole income and it’s been hard. I show him appreciation by packing his lunches for work and making sure dinner is done or something is figured out for him and our kids. He’s been doing a lot this time around. In the early weeks I couldn’t do anything besides throw up and he would come home and take care of it all. Luckily my 8 year old has also been a big help with her 7 year old brother too. I make sure to thank hubby for taking care of us and I message him a lot when he is at work and tell him I am thinking of him. Just keep letting him know how grateful you are and how much he means to you. Also yes- I plan on throwing in a few BJs when I have stitches 🙃🤪

  30. Give him a hug and tell him how much it means and how much you appreciate it, that is all most guys ever really want. Also make sure to let him dad the way he needs to, he will probably want to be super involved in baby’s life, please let him.

  32. He just loves you and your baby SO much. Remember that on the harder days. Help him on his bad ones.

  35. Why do you have to repay him? Just appreciate that you have a great, loving and supportive husband and you are doing your own great thing for the both of you, by making another human in your body.

  36. Others have given good suggestions regarding hugs, telling you how much you appreciate him, use these memories to keep your cool in overwhelming moments etc

    I’d add that a nice bunch of flowers would go down really well. If he has any hobbies he’s really into you could always get him a gift related to that too.

  37. You know that really nice looking bottle of single-malt scotch, you know, the one they keep at the front of the liquor store in the locked glass case and costs about $200?

    Yeah, completely ignore that over-priced $&%^ and get him a decent $30-$50 bottle of Kentucky bourbon. Hand it to him, give him a hug/kiss on the cheek, and tell him how much he means to you.

    Or, hell, skip the bottle of booze all-together and go with the physical affection and vocal affirmation. That would be enough for most guys.

  39. Just admire him and appreciate there is no man like him. Submit to him, let him feel like a masculine man even though he’s doing alot of caring alot for you. Empower his masculinity and embrace your femininity and it’s a win win. Dress nice and take care of your body and health if it’s too difficult now then worry about it post pregnancy. Your body might become different but that shows you’re the type of woman any man would treasure, one who isn’t a brat and fearlessly bears children.

    Pregnant women are also sexy so embrace that too.

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