Hi. I don't use reddit often, so sorry if this is formatted weird and in the wrong place.
I (20F) have been dating my lovely partner (21M) for 8 years now. I love him to death, and he's everything to me.
We've had sex plenty of times, multiple of times, but recently, at the beginning of this year, he's got his own apartment (back then we'd have to get lucky hoping there was nobody home at his house) which allows us to just go all out.
Our sex is fun, we both find it enjoyable. But no matter how long he holds out, he's the only one to reach an orgasm. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy it, but after not being able to reach something, I tend to feel frustrated at myself. And I feel bad that he feels bad, too. He's always asking me what feels good, how he should eat me out, which way he should thrust, and I've told him everything. It feels good— but not enough to where I can reach that moment.
I've tried masturbating by myself too. Vibrators and a dildo mainly, but even by myself I just can't reach that sweet moment. I seem to underwhelm or overwhelm myself to the point where I just don't want to do it anymore.
For context, I have been struggling with depression for a very long time (~2016), and I got off medication just last October (2024). I had thought that the medication was the thing preventing my orgasms (since that's what antidepressants do) and while it did return my libido, I just can't seem to reach it. I also do have autism, so maybe that's just it. Maybe my brain is wired weirdly in a way where I can't focus on relaxing.
I just feel really bad for my partner. He used to have a bigger drive than me, but now mines skyrocketed in comparison, and I think it's because I'm constantly yearning for that big O. But there's only much he can do until he feels drained like I sucked his life out like a succubus, haha.
My sister says I'm able to reach an orgasm (we talk openly about sex related subjects and I've told her about my struggles) and so does my partner, who wants to desperately keep trying. But after so long, I just feel strange, or different. I really wish I was normal so I could reach that point, and we'd both be happy. Are there any resources for me to look at? Am I just fucked forever (haha.) Do I just need to try something else all together?
Thanks for reading this mess of a post.