Not sure how to feel about loosing my virginity (22m)
I (22m) and the girl I’ve been talking to for a few weeks (23f) had sex and I lost my virginity. From the beginning of the talking stages I said I only wanted to have sex if we both really loved each other. She agreed.
When making out I asked her what she wanted to do and she said sex and said I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to she was very sweet about it and ultimately I said yes. Based on her reaction I’m assuming she enjoyed herself a lot but I didn’t really much at all. Everything we did was arousing up until she said she wanted to have sex but as soon as she did I went “softer” and I came really fast which embarrassed me. I think it just may have caught off guard… She said it was okay and most guys are like that the first time and that she really enjoyed it but I just feel sick the day after. She wasn’t comfortable taking her shirt off because she didn’t shave and she doesn’t want me to talk about it with my friends or tell anyone that it happened for a month because she’s nervous how people will react. This just feels so strange it feels like if I have sex I should be excited and I should be screaming it to everyone of my friends and it should be a great moment and I should be in love but I’m not feeling anything like that right now at all….
The reason I did it is because I know me and I know I would have regretted not doing it more so then doing it so I’m glad I did but the whole situation just feels off.
I also feel like I need to give this context… like I said we have only been talking for a few weeks and I was in the top of world. I really thought this girl was really into me and one day we were FaceTiming and I complimented her and she told me she needed to tell me something and warned me she might ruin things. I said she could tell me and she said she didn’t find me attractive. I was so confused and lost and just sad. After the call I cried. I almost ended things there but I really like this girl and I ended up talking to her about it and said I forgave her and I’m not mad at all anymore but the comment is lingering in the back of mind all the time… she said at the time that I was growing on her… I know most guys would have just ended things there but I’m happy I made the decision to continue the relationship but the fact we just had sex is making me question whether she’s really into me and it’s just messing with my feelings and I can feel this is going to be a constant struggle. I can tell obviously from the sex that she is really really into me so idk why she said that in the beginning at all I’m trying my hardest to forget it happened because of how much I like this girl…
Did I mess this relationship up before it even started?
Any thoughts would be appreciated I’m all ears