My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years. We love each other and usually get along really well when it’s just the two of us. The problem starts when I’m around his family. They’re nice, but I just don’t feel comfortable with them — we have very different personalities and values, and their way of doing things often stresses me out.
For example, they’re not very punctual or organized, and it drives me crazy when plans keep changing. My boyfriend knows this but still brings me into those situations, which makes me frustrated.
Recently, a few things made me feel really uncomfortable — like when we went to a wedding and I needed help with my dress, but my boyfriend didn’t respond (he never does that when its just two of us) and I had to ask his sister-in-law (who I barely know). Another time, he invited me to dinner, told me to come at 8, but when I arrived everyone had already eaten and I had to eat alone. It really bothered me.
I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about this without sounding rude about his family or making it seem like I’m attacking them. I don’t want to ruin what we have, but I also don’t want to keep feeling this way.
How can I communicate this issue to him in a calm and healthy way?
Or what’s a good way to set boundaries around spending time with his family without creating conflict?
TL;DR : I love him but I want to avoid his family. Is it possible to do that without ruining our relationship?