More than 2 years ago, I had my first kiss. I regretted what happened, and since then I preferred to forget it.
A year later, I met a girl (F18) I really like, and who also likes me. We’re not an official couple, but we practically act as if we were. When we started talking, she asked me if I had already had my first kiss, and I told her no. I didn’t tell her the truth because I wanted to forget what had happened, not because I wanted to lie.
The problem is that more than a year has passed since then, and I still haven’t told her. From the beginning, she told me that she doesn’t like someone “used,” and for her, kisses are also something important and special. I would also have liked my first kiss to have been with a special girl and for both of us to be very in love with each other, but that didn’t happen. Because of that, I’m also afraid that if I tell her the truth, she might feel uncomfortable or stop liking me.
Recently, she also had a problem with her two best friends: one of them was a guy she used to like (but doesn’t anymore), and the other was her best friend. It turns out that those two kissed, and it felt like a betrayal to her because her friend knew she had liked that guy before. Also, both denied that anything had happened, but later the truth came out. She got mad, didn’t talk to them for almost a week, but then she forgave them, although she said that if something similar happens again, she will stop talking to them.
Because of what happened, I thought maybe she could forgive me, but honestly, I don’t know. She and I have some rules that we made together:
• Tell things as they are.
• Avoid lying.
• Solve problems, don’t ignore them.
• Don’t stop talking just because something goes wrong.
That’s why I feel bad for not being completely honest with her. It wasn’t out of bad intentions, but I’m afraid that if I tell her now, she might be disappointed or stop liking me.
She once said that feelings don’t fade quickly, and maybe even if she gets mad, she might think about everything we’ve been through and forgive me. I’ve never truly treated her badly; I’ve always been kind, and even she has told me that I’m the first person who has treated her well, but this would be the only really bad thing I’ve done. We’ve had very beautiful moments, we even told each other that we’re in love with one another, and of course we’ve had problems, nothing is perfect, but honestly, I feel like I really messed up. I mean, I know I messed up but idk what to do! I know I have to tell her but like I said I’m worried that she won’t like me any more
Help me!
TL;DR;: Over a year ago I had my first kiss, regretted it, and lied to a girl I like about it. We act like a couple, and she values honesty and special first kisses. I’m scared telling her now will make her disappointed or stop liking me, even though I’ve always treated her well. Need advice.