My boyfriend (m30) and I (f27) have been together for 5 years now. I love him and I love the time we spend together – our relationship works perfectly for me on all levels except sex. When it comes to sex, I have a way higher desire than him (me solo: 4-5 times/week depending on my cycle; us together: 4-5 times/month; him solo: idk). Additionally, for the last 6-12 months I am usually the one to make a first move. As he told me he isn't into a blunt "wanna have sex? 😏" I try to seduce him with flirting, making a move after quality time, lingerie… or like today, coming on to him in homeoffice (he works in homeoffice fulltime). And still – like today- he hesitates/is embarrased and I feel like he eventually only "goes with it" as to not hurt my feelings (though the sex was great once we did it). I did not pressure him to have sex with me btw, he was simply hesitating (and not in the sexy kind of way).
What bothers me about all this is that he doesn't seem to be comfortable with me initiating when I crave sex with him; but if I don't initiate nothing happens for weeks. And I enjoy having sex, I enjoy wanting and feeling wanted and sex is just a vital part of a relationship for me at this point in life.
I try to talk about it with him, but either he says something like "all is fine!" or "you just have a higher sex drive than me" or something along those lines that just doesn't help me in this situation. Now it isn't just about the difference in libido that troubles me at this point, but the growing sense of rejection and disconnection. He is amazing in every way though, he is kind, fun, reliable, sweet, attentive etc etc and I feel we are in a loving, stable, and fulfilling relationship in most respects. I also know he is under a lot of pressure from work (while he isn't crazy busy currently the work environment is not particularly enjoyable) too and that has been increasing over the last year. Yet I don't think it's just down to that.
What do you suggest? What can I do? I am clear about not wanting to break up our relationship. I am wondering: Sex therapist? Starting the conversation from a different angle? Anything else I am overlooking?