I’ve been with my husband for almost 10 years, married for 8. I’m 29, he’s 36. He’s a good man — kind, reliable, we share a lot of common interests. But I haven’t felt romantic love for him in years. I love him as a close person, almost like a best friend, but not as a partner.
He shows his love through working hard and providing, but there’s no emotional closeness or affection anymore. I’ve tried to explain what I need (attention, little gestures, spontaneity), but for him “I work hard for us” equals “I love you.”
For the past couple of years, I’ve had recurring thoughts of leaving. Sometimes I even feel lighter and more at peace when I’m alone. But I’m consumed by guilt, because he’s not a bad husband — he hasn’t done anything “wrong.”
I feel like I’m the one putting all the effort into our relationship. I’ve tried to explain my needs, I’ve tried to create moments of closeness, but there’s no initiative from his side. He says he loves me and works hard for us, but when it comes to romance, attention, or emotional connection, I feel like I’m alone in it. That makes me feel even more lonely, because it shouldn’t be just one person doing all the work to keep a marriage alive.
I’m torn. I know I’m not happy in this marriage, but leaving feels terrifying. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you know it was time to leave, or that your relationship could still be saved?
TL;DR: F29 married to M36 for 8 years (together 10). He’s kind and reliable but I don’t love him romantically anymore — only as a friend. I’m unhappy but feel guilty because he hasn’t done anything “wrong.” Should I leave or keep trying?