I've never been good at expressing anger. Or any emotion come to think of it. It's probably due to being brought up in an environment where I felt I couldn't argue back or speak up for myself. I'd never claim to have had the worst childhood but I had some really difficult experiences.
I grew up with a dad who can be controlling and unpleasant when he wants to be. A very good dad in many respects and I still rely on him for some things sometimes but he has this side to him that few people ever see. Growing up, I'd spend a lot of the time walking on eggshells around him when I wasn't locking myself in my room. We wouldn't dare answer back to him. He was rarely physical with me but his anger made me want to avoid confrontation with him. Car journeys, Christmas dinners, holidays, days out, parties etc have all been made miserable due to his anger. Even as an adult, when I walk through their door I sometimes feel like I'm 11 again, especially when he has one of his angry spells or is in one of his moods. It's like his negativity sucks all the atmosphere out of the room. All that being said, he isn't like that 24/7 and he's great in many ways and we mostly get on as long as things are kept superficial.
I had other stuff going on when I was younger and was taken advantage of a lot and it started in part because I wanted to be out of the house and be somewhere calmer and nicer and more relaxed. Towards the end of it I resented it and thoroughly hated myself.
I rarely say anything when people do things or say things to me that I don't like or agree with, instead I keep things to myself and then I have arguments in my head with them where I say all the things I wish I said or could've said to them. I want to say things to people but don't, I want to hit some people but don't, there's one person in particular that I want to severely hurt or even kill but don't. It's all in my head.
I'm a very quiet person. I come across as nice and polite. I would say I act decently towards people. I'm not an aggressive person by nature.
I take things and take things and then have these screaming, ranting internal arguments and monologues. I've never found a safe way to express things. It can be tiring keeping everything to myself. I'm trying to find a psychologist to help but I haven't had much success.