Honestly pretty ashamed to say this. While i had crushes & ‘pursued’ other young women my age at the time I didn’t really take interest in sex or stuff like that. I think due to my lack of experience I simply romanticized the concept of the relationship rather than hoping to get laid.
Now that I’m 22 and have so much adult stuff to worry about, I feel like I’m even further from having sex or even attracting someone to myself for that matter. Idk if I’m being pessimistic, but the current feeling of self-helplessness makes me look back at my teenage years and think maybe the crushes or attraction to ANYONE at all was performative and trying to fit in—because shouldn’t I have been more motivated to get with/sleep with someone? Am I normal? Am I asexual? I feel so frustrated that people my age and younger find dating and sex culture so simple while I find it so difficult.
In cas you haven’t picked up yet, I AM now interested in the opposite gender and the concept of sex, but confused on whether it’s real or simply a learned/performative fake desire. I am talking to someone recently—a gorgeous woman but above all else she is funny, smart, has similar hobbies as I d, and so caring for things we both believe in. I’m scared I’m gonna mess it up with my inexperience.
To add, I do watch porn but only for the feeling of gratification and am honestly depressed after watching it. Go ahead and judge me for that if you want. I hate every time I watch porn but it’s like I have an addiction. That’s something to confront ASAP but a whole other can of worms.
I’m sure there’s other people my age and even older that are virgins but I’m dissatisfied with my own situation specifically. Can anyone help me understand/cope with this? Sorry to spill my guts but feel like I should spare no detail.