I was at a comedy night in the mid-90s hosted by Mark Lamarr. I'm pretty sure it was at the Mitre at Hampton Court opposite the palace. He asked the audience to reply to a question on pieces of paper. The question was 'What's the difference between Arthur Scargill and a cream egg?' At some point he gathered the replies and read them out. One answer was 'One up the bum, no harm done,' which Lamarr found understandably hilarious. It was the first time I'd heard the phrase and I thought it was invented by that audience member at that moment. I got the impression it was the first time Mark Lamarr had heard too. It's now quite well known, and I've always wondered whether that was indeed the moment it was first heard.
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I don’t think I’d heard before I went to Uni in ’96. The guy who said it also said things like “as long as there’s grass on the pitch”…. I always assumed he’d picked them up from seedy comedians at working mens clubs (because he also used to go on about how often he went to them back home)
I think around ’89-’90. My BIL at the time was experimenting with escort girls, and used this phrase.
Today at 10:56 am
Maybe The Office, if not earlier in the 90s
I first heard it today in this thread.
In this post
A running joke at my school in the early eighties.
In the 90s – Up The Bum No Babies was the phrase I heard 😅
Alan Carr said this in his interview with Rupaul and it was the first time I ever heard it!!
Late 80’s/Early 90’s
Uncle Mark when he used to look after us
Late 90s for sure. I was a kid, I remember pokey bum wanks being discussed and that phrase being used.
Up the Bum No harm done
Up the bum no babies
You’re only gay if you push back.
all heard in the Navy in the mid 90’s……hang on !!!!
It’s been around so long, I couldn’t tell you when I first heard it. Pretty sure it predates Mark Lamarr.
I read it in Metal Hammer in the mid 90’s. It was in a poem that someone had written for Rob Halford from Jusas Priest. As far as I remember it went,
“One up the bum, no harm done, don’t tell mum, diddly-dum”.
In the mid 90s in Ireland, but it doesn’t stop there. It carries on with where it goes to make your mammy a granny…
Heard it in the 70s
Probably mid-90s, often a retort to men who said things like “sometimes your cock just slips into the wrong hole, I don’t know why women get so upset.”
When camping with my uncle
Never heard it before
It’s one of the Holy Trinity:
One up the bum, no harm done.
One up the rectum, won’t affect ‘em.
One up the anus, should be painless.
‘One in the bum, none in the tum’ my great gmas sex talk to us. She was born in 1906.
I’m Aussie but she was Scottish so 🤷
Its from the Bible isn’t it?
I heard it from my best mate, Chris Finch in the early 2000s. Bloody good sales rep.
Percy Shelley wasn’t it?
First time here
Finchy in “The Office”.
I’ve never heard it, I first read it about 15 seconds ago.
My friend used to say up the bum
no babies come
And
Up the rectum don’t affect them