I always see people talking about mismatched libidos as in how frequently each partner wants to have sex. This is a bit of problem for us, but I think its only because he works so much with his body he is often tired, and in general we have sex 1-3x a week and I feel happy with that all things considered. But, I feel like the problem in my marriage is a more a general mismatch in our sexualities. I (f) am a pervert. I want to have kinky sex with narratives, roleplay, try new things, and experiment with different kinks. I wouldn't call my husband vanilla necessarily, and we have really mindblowing and passionate and dirty sex often, but he just doesnt have that kinky drive in the same way I do. He doesn't suggest new things and doesn't really get why I want to be doing all sorts of crazy stuff all the time. I hate being the one to drive the narrative or come up with new things or ask him to explore new things. It makes me feel unwanted and creepy lol. I feel like our sex just isnt playful or expressive in the way I crave and I feel like my ability to express that part of myself is stunted. I feel defeated and like I am tired of being the one trying to make things interesting, and that leads me to feeling unfulfilled in our sex life.
He is also more of "responsive desire" type person. He needs to feel mentally good, not physically tired, happy and chill to want to have sex. I want to have sex pretty much any time. So I often feel like I am initiating more than him or just waiting for him to feel like he wants to and then being grateful for what I get instead of really getting the whole experience I am craving. And then when I know he is doing it just for me I feel turned off and not desired.
What also confuses me is when we first started dating he was absolutely insatiable and kinky asf, like we used to do some fucked up shit lol and now he's just not interested in it and only wants loving and passionate sex. We've talked about this often, it just leaves him feeling inadequate as a man and me feeling discouraged and unfulfilled. Idk what to do