Context: my boyfriend’s aunty invited him on a week trip overseas. Now his aunty is a busy woman, she works overseas and around different countries. My partner is half Maori/filipino. His aunty is belongs to the Maori side, for work his aunty is going to be in the Philippines. She’s offered to pay for his flights and accommodation for a week (couple days in aus then the rest of the week in Phillipines) to visit his family both in aus and Phillipines. She’s a busy woman so this just got mentioned 2-4 days ago and he’s leaving Friday next week.
Problem: I have a very strong family value (we have only been dating a year) where whoever I’m with wether it be my brother, best friend or boyfriend if they can’t go I won’t unless a proper reason is presented. This is a moral dilemma of mine because I’m so deeply in love with this guy (I have a tattoo of his name on me) but him leaving me goes against me as a person.
Context: When he first mentioned it I didn’t say anything considering it’s an exciting thing and I was Happy for him even though I was having the thought process “oh that’s cool for you but what about us” but when he bring it up again for the second time he didn’t even mention me only started saying things like “I need time off” “money” so we talked and honestly everything is writing I’ve said to him. He talked to his mum she said it’ll be best to go by yourself to get one on one time and that you need a break. So he talked to his aunty and pretty much shut him down as-well.
Context of our relationship: i am the breadwinner technically we equal each other out but when we do fun activities im the one mostly paying For it (i do not mind I love this man) I travelled majority of 2024 and settled down 2025 for him and his job needs. I said I’ll wait this year and then we can do us next year with travels. So far I’ve tried to plan future trips he has shown no effort except for verbal confirmation that he would like to go. So keep in mind I’m in New Zealand (I love my home just have a desire for travel) this whole year for him, I’ve also offered to pay for traveling so we can go a bit earlier but he declines that offer.
Discussions we’ve had :
My pov: -I can pay my way (money is not an issue)
– I can respect one on one time and can do my own travel -I would like to be included in family relations as I would like to meet them aswell (if they don’t wish that I can respect that)
His pov: -my aunty just wants me to spend time with my family that’s I haven’t seen in years -my aunty is paying a lot of money to do this for me
My thoughts on the situation;
im actually feeling like his family might not take us as seriously as we take us (he calls me his wife says he’s going to get a ring and we’re forever)
• im feeling maybe i got this tattoo recently of his name maybe she thinks im a bit crazy and needs a break (i am a lil crazy but I have a big heart 💗) -i just don’t think he cares as much because i feel like im pushing for him to stand for me.
“TL;DR” so he’s just going to go a trip without me and I don’t know why to do. Im really in my head about is this a deal breaker? -is it wrong of me to say not to go? -any advice?