Hi, I'm an 18-year-old girl living in a horrible town. I had a year-long relationship with a guy I considered my soulmate; we worked really well together. He was like my best friend. I always believed that he was the person who understood me best and that we would be together for a long time.
I was wrong.

My boyfriend (also an 18-year-old guy) rented an apartment with his best friend (another 19-year-old guy) whom he had known for quite some time, since they were 14, I think.

I liked him; he always welcomed me into my boyfriend's apartment without any problems, and sometimes he would go out to eat or see movies with us. The two of them were always together; they were the stereotypical male friendship. They played video games together, rode in the car together, went to the same parties, etc., etc. His presence didn't bother me; quite the contrary. I really liked that guy. And I thought he was a good influence on my boyfriend.

Until a few weeks ago, when I found my boy cheating on me in his apartment with that guy.

My God, my world fell apart. And make no mistake, I'm not exclusive or anything like that. But damn it, he was my boyfriend. I would have reacted the same way if he had cheated on me with a girl.

They both tried to justify and explain themselves. I didn't listen to anything.
Until that same night, when I received a long text message from him. It was an apology (at least) and a bunch of paragraphs trying to justify his shit and begging me not to tell anyone because he hadn't come out and didn't plan to. He told me that it had been really hard for him to accept himself, and that in fact, our relationship had never been a lie, but that he had discovered it while we were together. That made me feel even worse.

I spent a lot of days wallowing in my own sadness until people started asking questions. For a moment I hesitated because I knew it wouldn't make me feel much better than him… but I was very upset.

So yes, I snitched him. And I don't know how to feel about it. I think it was totally worth it, but deep down I still feel like they both deserved it. Now I think it caused problems for both of them—gossip travels fast around here.

So, i don’t know what i supposed to do.

Like I said, we're from a small town. I think that's really what's upsetting me, even though deep down I can't help but feel like they hurt me, and a lot.

TL/DR : my boyfriend cheating of me with a boy and i snitched them. But i don’t know to do


11 comments

  1. Kind of a dick move tbh.

    He shouldn’t have cheated on you. You could have snitched that he cheated on you without outing him.

  2. Honestly I think you did the wrong thing outing him.

    Look, he deserved a lot of bad things said to him, he deserved it if you spread that he cheated in general, etc.

    But outing him, in a “small town” (aka usually means hella conservative) is frankly dangerous for him.

    I get why you think that was the thing to do, I do, but I do think it was a mistake and someday you’ll regret fully outing him. There were plenty of other ways to ruin his reputation that didn’t put him at risk.

  4. You got cheated on and that sucks, but outing him in a conservative town was way over the line. Cheating is shitty but you might’ve actually put him in danger. Can’t take it back now but yeah probably shouldn’t have done that.

  5. don’t let anyone here gaslight you. he cheated on you with a man. and that’s what he opened himself up to by doing what he did. you don’t need to lie for him. that’s wrong. don’t listen to these other people in the comments.

  6. Yeah, that was shitty. You feel like shit because you had something shitty happen to you, and then made it even shittier by being shitty.

    Retaliation is hardly ever a good/smart choice.

  8. You did a pretty horrible thing. You’re both very young and still learning a lot. You said that you live in a very conservative town. You could possibly get both of them physically hurt.

  9. You could have said he cheated on you without outing him. You are just as horrible as he was for cheating, except it’s probably worse, given that cheating doesn’t ruin your life or your relationship with anyone but the person you are in a relationship with typically. People are extremely homophobic, and what you have done can actually risk his life in certain situations and cost him much more than his cheating of you would ever cost you. You aren’t the bigger person here. You’re honestly gross.

  10. That’s what happens when you cheat, this is not a secret you need to keep, you can explain what happened to you.

  11. Definitely a morally gray situation. He made the decision to cheat and get you into the mix of his secret. I understand the comments coming from a place of concern, especially if people in your town are not hip to gay relationships, but YOU are the victim of his decisions and actions. You have no reason to lie about your relationship if prompted, but I do think you overlooked how this could be detrimental to his life. Wishing you both well ❤️

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