My father has been working overseas for the past few years. I honestly didn’t know much about how he was behaving all this while. But the moment he started working in here everything changed he began cheating on my mother multiple times. Each time my mother caught him, she tried to solve things and forgive him, but the pattern kept repeating.
Last year, he actually left our home for another woman and decided to divorce my mother. A few days ago, it was their third divorce appointment, but they decided to call it off temporarily for the sake of us kids, because my siblings are planning to get married soon. Still, we know the divorce will probably happen anytime soon.
Today, my sister received a message from the woman my father cheated with, saying they’re no longer together because she discovered he cheated on her with someone else. And today I also found out from my mom that my father has been cheating on her since the very beginning of their marriage.
What confuses me is that he genuinely seems to love us kids so much. But I just don’t understand why he behaves like this. Why can’t he stay with one woman? Is this some kind of addiction or disorder?
9 comments
My dad cheated on my mum numerous times and she’s still with him. I’ve known for over 20 years. Knocks me sick to this day. She loves him as she keeps telling me 🙄
Could be some kind of love/sex addiction…
And I think for that generation. They also get a lot more “passes” than our current generation. Whether it’s the misogyny or patriarchy or women not having as much of a choice. Or they are told that is okay if you aren’t getting any at home..
And they also don’t know how to speak/communicate & are taught to squash down their feelings even more than this generation too.
I also found out that my dad was cheating on my mum & my stepmom recently. So I feel you.
>What confuses me is that he genuinely seems to love us kids so much.
It’s not difficult to keep up an act when people are in and out of your life. Understand this – the number one person in your father’s life is himself, that’s who he loves most. Everyone else is in his orbit only to the extent of their usefulness to him. What that usefulness is may not be wholly apparent to people other than him, that can be confusing.
It could be any number of things. I would try not to get hung up about the “why”. Humans are never perfect and their relationships are an example of that fact.
You said your dad seems to genuinely love you. That’s what matters. Spouses often have complicated relationships with each other, but simple love for their kids. That’s normal and true even in couples who never cheat. You have simple and unconditional love for your child; you might also have a complex relationship with your spouse.
Focus on that love your father has for you. Your mother too. Love them back and don’t try to fix them. His cheating isn’t about you or your siblings, it’s about a complex past you aren’t completely privy to. His actions may have been wrong, but humans are never perfect.
Just love your parents regardless and to some extent, respect their privacy because even adult children will never fully understand their parents’ relationships.
He is piss poor morally and incredibly selfish. Hope your mom gets free of him
A person who cheats on his wife and children lacks morals and ethics. Period. They won’t ever change. If you stay, you are reinforcing that behavior and your children will repeat it.
It’s a weakness, a flaw, and a need to constantly validate his attractiveness. It’s a mid life crisis, almost every woman I know has had this issue with their husband and gotten a divorce. It’s really sad, and most of them regret it. Once they see that being single changes everything about life except their physical urges . Life is so much more than that. But they don’t know what they have until it’s gone and single life isn’t all that cracked up to be as you age. It’s very lonely.. and those are the consequences to his decisions.
My father was the same – cheated on my mother tons but would give his life for me and my siblings. I think some people are just better parents than they are partners.
What did he say when you asked him about it?