My husband (39M) and I (38F) have been together for 7 years – gf and bf for 4 years, married for 3 years. I’ve always thought of my husband as an outgoing and friendly guy – perhaps too friendly for his own good.
I’ve always told him that he doesn’t seem to realize women tend to overstep their boundaries with him and I’ve seen him let them. This has been going on ever since we started dating, and he has always told me I’m crazy or paranoid for feeling this way because “he isnt doing anything”.
Two nights ago he brought me to dinner out with some old coworkers. It was a catching-up-with each-other-thing as most of them have left the company after change in management. He brought me along since another coworker would also be bringing their spouse.
What was supposedly to be dinner was not dinner at all. It was a bar. And I myself am not s drinker. I noticed my husband’s previous admin staff (young woman probably in her late 20s) getting too close to him (seated next to each other at the bar, her being buzzed because of drinks, sharing her experiences at her new job and her finishing a master’s degree).
What pushed my buttons is that this girl decided to take a picture of their other coworkers seated across from them. She was trying to take a “good angle” and was basically leaning into my husband (who was seated next to her).
I looked at him and he did nothing as he seemed comfortable at this – not even avoid her or move. And note that I was sitting right next beside him as well.
At the car ride home, I told him how angry and disappointed I was that he let that happen. I told him that I don’t feel safe as I’ve seen him act this way before – girls getting too close and him doing nothing. I wonder what could have happened if I wasn’t there that night, but this will get too long.
He got angry at me, kept telling me he wasn’t doing anything bad and that I was basically crazy for thinking that of the admin he referred to as “kid”. I told him to stop gaslighting me and I just haven’t felt ok after that night.
We are civil now, we have to be since we have an 11 month old daughter to take care of. But I feel so numb, so tired, beyond sad, no energy to even get angry, and I feel like its a loop or a cycle and I’ll always get blamed for feeling the way I feel.
Our daughter’s first birthday is coming up next weekend and it will be a big party with lots of relatives and friends coming over. I’m keeping my cool until we can just survive through that weekend, but I feel so hopeless in this marriage.
For those here who have made the decision to leave their marriage, what was it that made you decide it was past the point of saving?