First off I'd like to start off with saying that we have been together for about 10 years and married for 4. The first 6 that we weren't married were great. Everything was going smoothly until we got married and that's when it all sort of started going downhill, not immediately but yes. I realize I was dragging my feet because everything was so great and I didn't want to change it but eventually I proposed because I felt bad that I was dragging my feet, I mean after all I did love her (still do) and I wanted her to be happy. There was also the side pressure coming from her parents because they were paying for her health insurance that she didn't have as she was on their until she wasn't able to. I can't remember exactly the reason why she didn't get it through her job but it was either she wasn't eligible or it was crap. So eventually I proposed to her and we got married a half a year later.
Onto the actual relationship advice part. A lot has changed since we've gotten married and she has stopped working almost completely due to her depression and severe anxiety. With the way the economy is right now I'm really struggling to stay afloat with just my job and the help of her parents. I refuse to get a second job because I refuse to sacrifice my own happiness and wellbeing just so she can stay home and sleep all day. She probably works only 1 day every 3 months where she has been working for the past 10 years (She started working 1 day every 3 months when COVID hit and things started getting crazy) as they have been lenient with her but I'm honestly surprised they haven't just out right fired her. Thankfully for her parents have been covering her and have been helping us stay afloat but I don't want things to continue like this. She's always telling me she's trying or that she's trying to get help but it always ends up "Oh I wasn't feeling well." Or "I didn't like that doctor." And I mean I get it, it must be hard. I've got my own inner demons so I get it but not after the 100th while you drag someone down with you. I honestly don't know how much more I can take before I just say enough is enough and honestly I don't want it to come to that. I love her and I want to see her do better and I am want things to go back to the way they were but there's only so much I can take. It's really starting to affect me emotionally and I mean more than what it use to. I come home after work and she's either sleeping or watching TV and it just agitates the crap out of me. Then she has the audacity to ask me to do something for her or give her money so she can buy something that she doesn't need. It makes me so angry but I can never stay angry at her because I love her.
Which leads me onto the next part is when she knows I'm angry and she knows I'm growing tired of all of this and she tells me that it's perfectly fine if I leave her. I kown she means this in a positive way and genuinely believes I deserve better but I'm like why not just focus on getting better so we don't have to do that? I also don't want to leave her because what she's gonna do without me? She won't last a month without me and I don't want that want all that extra weight being transferred to her parents. They're both close to retirement age and I don't want them to be forced to continue to work. Also, to be honest I'm afraid of what she might do to herself if I do leave her because she knows that what she is doing is negatively affecting everyone.
I'm honestly at a loss as to what to do. I'm getting closer and closer to my breaking point and I don't want that to happen. She has even said that she's willing to open the relationship for me or that she wouldn't care if I started seeing someone else while I'm with her but I know if I do then I know it will kill her inside. Honestly I've thought about it too like what would life be like if I were single again or with someone else? It sounds nice but I'm always back to the "I could never do that to her because I love her."
I don't know what to do anymore.
Edit: Spelling & Spacing & a small addition.
Edit: Addition – She's been on depression medication long before I met her but it wasn't as bad back then. It only got this bad after COVID hit.