I don’t even know where to start, but I feel like I’m losing my mind dealing with my boyfriend’s mom. She’s way too possessive over him and still treats him like a little kid,like he can’t make a single decision on his own. I’m a 19(f) and he’s a 18 (m). We’ve been together for almost 2 years now, and I’ve gathered that she is refusing him to let him grow up.
Every time something happens, she blames me. I’m apparently “a distraction,” “bad influence,” or “the reason he’s not listening.” She’ll even punish him when I text her about something because she assumes he’s telling me to do it, even though he constantly says not to because it will make things worse, but I do it for my own sanity, but still get snarky replies from her, the best part is I’m very respectful and polite about it, but she takes it as disrespectful, just like she does if her son stands up to her in anyway. It feels like no matter what I do, I’m the villain in her story.
What really gets to me is how she always tries to keep him from hanging out with me. If he’s supposed to come over, she’ll suddenly find a reason to ground him or make him do chores all day, or just flat out says no when he asks to come over for no reason ( I don’t even know why he still asks to even leave the house, but they’ll blow up on him if he doesn’t) It’s so obvious sometimes that it’s about control, not discipline.
And then there’s the part that really makes me uncomfortable. How overly clingy she is with him. She’s constantly hugging and kissing him, asking him to crack her back and making weird noises, or even sleeping in his room when he’s not there. It honestly creeps me out, and I hate even saying that because I don’t want to sound disrespectful. But it’s not normal behavior for a mom with her adult son.
What hurts the most is that I’ve been nothing but respectful toward her. I always help her when I’m there, even when she asks me to do little “projects” or chores that take hours and cut into the time I get to spend with my boyfriend. I never complain, I just go along with it because I want to show that I care and that I’m not some kind of problem. Even when we have conversations she just talks about her own life, or her sons life, and never genuinely try’s to get to know me as a person or listens to anything I tell her that is significant in my life. I know she probably doesn’t care to hear anything about my life, but I don’t care to hear about hers, but I still listen to be respectful. Like I’m sorry but I have a whole life outside dating your son, and she only sees me as a slave to her.
But lately it’s really starting to break me down mentally. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells around her, and no matter how kind I try to be, she’ll always find a way to twist it or turn it into something against me. I love my boyfriend, but this whole situation makes me feel so drained and unwanted, and the rage I feel towards this woman is unmatched, and I can’t contain my anger anymore.
I don’t know what to do anymore, part of me wants to distance myself, but another part of me just feels so sad that his mom can’t let him grow up or let us have a normal relationship.
TL;DR
Boyfriend’s mother is extremely protective over her son, and villainizes me in every situation. She won’t let us have a healthy relationship, even though we’re amazing when we’re just alone, but she always finds a way to make it miserable.