My wife and I have been married for about five years, and we have a baby who’s not even a year old yet. We both work full-time. I’ve got a standard 9-5 Monday to Friday job, while her shifts rotate, sometimes she works nights or weekends. We have a nanny during my work hours, and we try our best to split baby duties and chores evenly. I technically make a bit more, but we share finances and make decisions together.
When things are good between us, they’re really good. But when they’re bad, it feels like we can’t stop the spiral. We’ve had way more good moments than bad, but lately it feels like we’ve been stuck in a rough patch. We’re actually about to start marriage counseling soon because we both want to make things work. I know I’m not perfect, but I really do love my wife and our little family more than anything.
This happened a few nights ago, and I still can’t stop thinking about it.
It was a normal Tuesday evening. My wife wanted to go to an event and asked if I’d come with her and bring the baby so we could all spend time together. I went, watched her, took care of the baby, cheered her on, and honestly, we had a good time.
When we got home, it was time for the baby’s feeding. I suggested she feed him while I grabbed a quick bite, I’d skipped lunch after working out and was starving, and then I’d take over, change and clean the baby while she ate.
After I finished dinner, she handed me the baby in our bedroom. I lay down, snuggling and playing with him, just soaking in that little moment. He was giggling and grabbing my face, and it was one of those peaceful moments that makes all the exhaustion worth it.
As I was lying there, my wife started to leave and said, “Now that you’ve had dinner, will you and the baby come to the living room while I eat?” But before I could even respond, she added, “Since you make me feel so alone and ignore me.”
It caught me completely off guard. The night had been good, we were both in good spirits, and I honestly didn’t understand where that came from. I told her there was no need for that comment, that I was just taking a minute with our baby before joining her.
Then everything just… blew up.
She said I never spend time with her (which isn’t true, I’ve been home all week after work while she’s been working nights, and we literally spent the whole weekend together, just us, no distractions). Then it escalated fast. She said really hurtful things, told me she’d tell our friends I’m a terrible husband, that she’d tell our son the same when he’s older. She called me “disgusting” and “lowly.”
I mostly stayed quiet because I didn’t want to argue while holding the baby, and honestly, I was just too tired. But she kept going, even coming back into the room to accuse me of things that aren’t true, like checking out other women. Then she told me to leave the house.
I didn’t leave, I just stayed there with our baby until things calmed down.
The thing is, I wasn’t trying to ignore her. I wasn’t trying to make her feel alone. I was just tired, happy, and wanted a short, quiet moment with my kid before joining her for dinner. It wasn’t some conscious decision, it just felt natural in the moment. But somehow, it turned into a full-blown fight that left me completely drained.
I love my wife. I know she’s been through a lot, especially after having the baby, and I’m trying to be patient and understanding. But I don’t know how to keep dealing with this pattern, where something small spirals into something cruel and personal.
Has anyone else been through something like this? How do you stop this kind of cycle before it blows up? I want to handle it better and be there for her, but I also don’t want to keep feeling like I’m walking on eggshells in my own home.