Everytime I open up to my husband (that I adore) he either falls asleep or just obviously checks out and says "what" a lot. He told me recently he wanted me to make more of an effort to communicate how I am feeling. I tried talking to him this evening and he actually fell asleep withina few minutes. Every now then maybe once every 4 to 6 months I will spill my guts to my husband because I can't hold it in any more and after maybe 10-15 minutes he will pretend to fall asleep or say he has to do something. I actually don't talk much, he's social, I am not.
He usually talks the most in our relationship. I listen to his every complaint daily and support him but I feel like maybe he only listens to me when he's horny and the rest the time he checks out completely. I have trust issues so maybe it's just me? Maybe he cares more than I am giving him credit for?
I guess I am also struggling to understand what he wants. I've had suicidal thoughts for the past few years and I've been doing my best to manage them. I finally confessed about my suicidal ideation a few weeks ago. My biggest issue has been that he will express concern when I leave the house but when I am home and he is present he just sort of checks out entirely.
Is his reaction my fault? Is there anything I can do to make him interested in what is bothering me or am I supposed to keep it to myself? Ive been on a wait list for more than 5 months now for a therepist and I guess I am terrified my husband will leave me if I burden him any further. Are these things maybe too much for him and I should maybe just try to soothe myself and work through it or should I tell him these things still? Will he resent me if I burden him with my problems any further?
I guess I am just unsure as to what I should do? I've communicated as much as I can without pushing him too far. We have been together 10 years and have 4 kids. Three are from a previous relationship so I understand he has taken on an immense burden willingly. I am trying to see things from his perspective but I suppose I just also feel so alone. What can I say or do that will make him care beyond his own needs and wants?
We have been together 10 years and married for 1 year as of September 27th. I actually didn't plan this years anniversary because I guess I wanted to know what it was like if he planned it. I told him all I wanted for this years anniversary was to not have to plan it or cook anything. Anyways, it ended horribly and he pretty much waited until day of to try and make a dinner reservation. Needless to say we ended up getting pizza and going home because he forgot.
I guess all these things are making me wonder if I am insufferable or if he just maybe no longer loves me? I guess I kinda want to know if there are any husbands out there that can maybe help me understand my husbands thought process so I can adjust? I want to be honest with him but I also feel.like I am making him feel overwhelmed.