This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Will people stop talking about sex in the first few messages on an app? Tell me you have zero sex without telling me you have zero sex. It’s happened multiple times in the last few weeks 🤦🏻♀️
I am SUPER attracted to a guy in my neighborhood, but I learned that he’s poly and it’s taking every ounce of self control not to text him. So far, I’m succeeding!
I need to take some time and write out what I’m looking for in a partner this time around before I get back on that horse
Currently exploring a long distance emotional connection with someone. He’s been very clear that he does not want a relationship right now, which I’m accepting of. Yet we both have been very honest with each other that we both have feelings for each other.
We’re going to meet soon after six weeks apart, hang out, and explore this connection further. I know it seems like I’m setting myself up for heartache and/or disappointment, but I honestly can’t help myself. It’s been over a year since I’ve felt this way with anybody, and I want to experience it, even if this halfway relationship doesn’t work out. Anybody ever been here before? What are your thoughts?
With losing a good 25 lbs since my last batch of pictures, i’ve been updating my profile pics on the dating apps.
Regardless of what pictures i have, the success rate seems the same
I met a woman that matched with the same guy I went on a bad first date with. We both shared experiences and felt validated. Lol
Gotta love it when that happens
I’m having some work done on my apartment so my dog and I have spent the last two nights with the guy I’ve been dating. It’s felt very cozy and domestic but I’m also looking forward to being back in my own space. Also: seeing him in his work uniform? Damn he’s attractive.
Fourth date on Thursday with the gal I’m seeing. Things are going well. On our last date I told her I’m not seeing anyone else, I don’t plan to, and I’m off the apps, but that I’m not expecting/asking anything from her, just giving her the information. She immediately told me she feels the same way, so that was good.
On Thursday I’m having her over to my place for the first time for dinner and potentially a movie, and I am feeling quite nervous about it. So far all we’ve done is kiss and hold hands, and this is an obvious time (fourth date, home date, exclusively dating) where things might go farther. I haven’t been with anyone new in over 15 years, and so my “skill set” is very heavily tailored to one person, and I haven’t had to navigate a first-contact situation in a long, long time. I also know that she’s dated a bunch (obviously much more typical in our 30’s) so I’m very aware of the disparity in our levels of experience, and that she probably has expectations in mind for what will or will not happen. I would be keen to see if things advance physically, but I also wouldn’t be disappointed if they didn’t. I’m happy to take things slow, and I may find that I hit a boundary I don’t even know I have. I want her to know that I find her attractive and that I’m very physically interested in her and that the door is open, but I also don’t want her to feel pressured. The whole thing just feels simultaneously very excited, and very complicated. I’d be happy with a range of outcomes, I think I’m mainly concerned with wanting her to feel happy and have a nice time.
So I’m slowly recovering from a break up from what I’m coming to realize was a situationship for a year, but I’m feeling a lot of animosity towards my ex that I’m not sure I have a right to feel. Anyone can end a relationship at any time, right? So I should have known this was a possibility and if it’s what’s best for him, then I guess it’s what’s best for me too, but I still feel angry and like I didn’t deserve it to end in the way it ended.
He would always tell me how much peace I brought to his life and how much he enjoyed our time together. He talked about doing things a year down the road, planning trips, then out of nowhere, days after telling me he had no doubts or concerns about us, he said that he didn’t see a future with me. I asked him why he didn’t share that with me days before when I had asked, and he said “That’s the crazy part, I meant it when I said no, I just now realize that I don’t see a future with you”. I asked if he wanted to share what he needed in our relationship to improve it and he said he had never considered “working on it” with me – which was just heartwrenching.
He kept asking to still go on our trips together and stay friends and asking to check in on me. I thanked him for being honest with me, but that I needed space from him to process this because it is a big shift in our relationship to suddenly being just friends.
It was unnerving how calm, cold, and matter of fact he was about his feelings suddenly changing toward me and how he was just checked out. This is so hard to wrap my mind around, but I have kept no contact, and have no intention of reaching out. I feel so blindsided, and angry that someone could be so cold, I know that this is what I get myself into dating, but this just seems wild.
Ah gotta love low level flirting. Nothing more sexy than a dude who knows how to hint he is into you, very very subtly but at the same time assertive.
This weekend was interesting! Friday I had a short drink date with a guy who was a moderate catfish. He was about 50 pounds heavier than his pictures. He didn’t seem all that interested in me either because the conversation was like pulling teeth. I was still attracted to him, but the catfishing was a dealbreaker. I had been excited to meet him as our conversation over the app had been good. I don’t mind if a date isn’t attracted to me or vice-versa, but when we can’t keep a convo going, I get bummed. I’ve enjoyed learning about other people’s lives and inner worlds and it sucks when they aren’t even trying.
Saturday I had a good date with a guy I did not expect to like and talked about in another post. Our date was 6 hours long and we have a lot in common. However, he’s been flakey about setting up a second date, so I will try to keep expectations low.
For next week, I have a date planned with psychiatrist on Friday.
I realized that part of why I feel so much discontent is the fact that I truly do overvalue what being part of a couple means.
My solitary hobbies? Wastes of time if single (because I should be out there, constantly looking, constantly socializing, never taking breaks), super important if coupled up (keeping your identity up and all). Spending an evening on the couch with some scented candles and music? Wasteful and squandering if single, important relationship work if you’re with someone… but all of this is bs, right?
Also, there’s a certain allure to not having to form new bonds anymore after you’ve found someone, but in the end, this only leaves you in stagnant social circles and terribly lonely once you do actually split up later down the road.
What do you think?
So… for people here who have been single all their lives, why do you think you have been single for that long, and do you think you will break out of that funk?
I chalk my lack of success in dating due to lack of effort and not being particularly good looking.
I read somewhere that if you are over 30 and still haven’t had a romantic relationship at that point, statistically you are unlikely to be married anytime for the rest of your life.
The local singles mixer was rough. Lot of painfully awkward people. Did give my number to one woman I talked to for about an hour so hopefully we’re on the same page about a couple dealbreakers.
I’m annoyed after a date last night, mostly at myself. He asked me out and chose the restaurant. He had three cocktails and we each had entrees and shared an app and dessert. When the check came, I offered to get it…to be polite. I assumed we would land on splitting it at a minimum. But he just said oh are you sure, thanks! So I’m out $120 because I opened my big dumb mouth and I’m debating whether this makes him rude or not. I mean, I did offer.
Editing to say, I paid for the first date. I always assume I’m paying when I ask someone out. My gut tells me it is rude that he let me pay twice in a row…especially when he arranged the second date. But yeah lesson learned, I won’t offer anything I can’t afford in the future.
Hey thanks to everyone who chimed in on my “to reply or not to reply” question yesterday.
Decided I wanted to send a short and warm goodbye that shared how I felt and the kind of the connection I’m looking for. It was warm enough to subtly signal, hey feel free to still reply if you really want to step up. I’m not expecting a reply.
I really wrote and sent it for myself and so the universe can take note and deliver the kind of energy I’m looking for.
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is it too much to ask as a guy to see if she can meet half way for a date? i noticed some women live in Town X and they want to meet in Town X vs in the middle. Is it more gentlemanly to just drive the 50-1hr to X vs asking for somewhere in middle? While I don’t want this thing to be a date breaker maybe i should just go whereever convenient for her?
I have 2 tickets to see a comedy show this weekend – is it a bad first date choice? The alternative is to just sell one of my tickets (it is ~100). And yes, i always buy tickets in pairs just in case lol…
So, after two weeks of pining I unblocked the guy whom I had a horrible date/intimate moment with last month (see my earlier posts for context). To my own disappointment, I just couldn’t get him out of my head. A few days after I unblocked him I did a public speaking event (I work in media) and the guy came to support me, all dressed up in his best clothes. I was surprised when he showed up and have to admit I felt another little flame rekindle when I saw him. He really is ridiculously handsome. On Saturday we went to a museum upstate, all platonic (we agreed beforehand). We had so much fun on the ride over there, we laughed and joked around like children. I could also tell that he wanted to touch me, he tried to be cool but his body language couldn’t hide it. When I had an extended chat with one of the male museum hosts (I had a question about one of the works) the guy got a bit jealous and called me ‘his woman’, then he backpedaled and said he didn’t want to belong to anyone himself. I thought ‘whatever’ and we continued enjoying our day, even though it rained pretty heavily at some point and we got soaked on the way home. We’re seeing each other again at a farmers market on Saturday. Yesterday we texted and I told him how much I enjoyed our museum outing, and he said ‘me too’, then added ‘as friend or as lovers? because I want to be friends.’ I feel a bit like an idiot for rolling with these mixed signals. A friend of mine who also attended my public speaking event told me he felt there was a strong attraction between me and the guy when he saw us interact — he said it was tangible enough that he didn’t feel like it was his place to join the conversation. I’m swamped with work these coming weeks so that’s a good distraction to focus on, but if I’m honest with myself there’s nothing I’d rather do than hold this man in my arms. I feel vulnerable and weak for liking him after the outbursts I’ve seen of him, like I’m indulging a part of myself that’s unhealed against my better judgment. But then again, it feels so good when we’re together. It’s so easy to talk, laugh and relax around him. And I can tell he really enjoys my presence too. Why the hell can’t we just be together?
He got back from his trip halfway around the world. I figured after a week away with a friend, multiple thousands of miles flown in the span of a 40+ hour day (aren’t time zones weird lol) he’d want to sleep and decompress.
I was wrong. He wanted to see me. I’m trying to be all cool, not uncool on the outside, but I’m still super giddy on the inside about it.
In the middle of a frustrating/stressful morning at work when I got a text from a woman I’m seeing about what movie she wants to watch together Thursday. It’s those little things that make me smile and turn my day around!
Date 4 on Thursday with all 3 dates being fantastic so far can’t wait.
The part I’m really good at: Introspection, identifying what I want in a partner, figuring out what spaces I will socially thrive in.
The part I’m bad at: Actually getting out there and letting life just happen. “The chess pieces are not in the right places yet, I can’t start the plan.”
Working on it. 🙏 Got a plan to break the cycle. Until: “Work was hard today, I’m too tired to go back out,” or “Next weekend for sure, I’m really needing like A DAY to just unwind.”
Finding that balance is hard. But I strongly suspect: Just gotta do it.
Et je le ferai.
What a fucking joke the quirk events are; you put your best foot forward and you’re past over like a piece of garbage
has anyone had any success at those board game meetups?
Low stakes question
I had a mad crush on a guy in a friend group for half of this year. I never spoke about it to anyone who knew him. He moved away a couple months ago and we’re not in touch.
Another friend from the group is visiting and we’re getting dinner on Friday. Is it a bad idea to open up to her about it? She’s known him longer than I have. I don’t really know what I would get out of it other than maybe some reassurance that he wasn’t out of my league, or maybe she would tell me he was still really hung up on his ex or seeing someone else during that time, or something. I tend to keep this stuff extremely private because I don’t trust people with my business and worry about being judged but I sometimes wonder if talking about it would be good for me to get some more closure since these situations usually end with me feeling dumb for having a one sided interest in someone
Also to anyone who was worried, I completely overhauled my hinge profile and there’s no more love languages question. It’s a shame though I did like the airport thing
Telling the universe to send me a handsome dude who loves hammocks and cozy cuddling.
Huge… Tract of land also accepted.
I’m just really, really sad today. Ended it last week with the guy I was dating exclusively for six months because he still didn’t know if he could commit to me. I know it went on for way too long but he was doing all the right things to make me feel cared for so it was all just really confusing. I miss him but it’s for the best.
What even is a situationship? I had never even heard the word before this year and now everyone is using it
My friend (who I confessed I had feelings for) said she was going to start dating again and had a date scheduled for this past weekend. It was difficult for me to hear that. I ended up telling her I was still in love with her and we had a conversation.
The day of her date we didnt talk at all. Then she ended up texting me at 2am (which is not usual since we both have insomnia and usually stay up pretty late talking and talk at weird hours). She said she couldnt stop thinking about me all day and ended up not going on her date. She said she is afraid of ruining our friendship if we tried to be anything more, but said she needs some time to think about things.
In the meantime, we’re trying to have stronger boundaries with each other, which means not talking everyday for hours. Instead we’re going to do one phone call a week and some texting in between. Yesterday was our first phone call. I enjoyed talking to her and have been thinking about her a lot today.
I think one call a week could actually work for me. Our relationship before this was very time consuming for me. We would talk for hours everyday and I realized I just wasnt doing things in my life that I wanted to do. She also wasnt. I’m still not really doing them, but at least I dont have her as an excuse anymore and its more of a me problem now.
Im not sure how much time she needs to think about things between us. I guess I’ll give her a month or two since the holidays are coming up and it will be difficult to go on dates with other people even if I wanted to. Hopefully though it wont come to that and things will work out between us.
This is a pretty broad question but what are the current expectations in general flow of a first date? I am 36M, divorced early this year and I’ve only had a few first dates recently. Prior to my separation the last time I dated, I was 20 years old, so it’s been a while.
One bit of feedback I did get from a woman who was only in my city temporarily (we went out twice) was that I was more formal and a bit serious. I will admit that I am nervous about being too familiar or too forward.
Any thoughts? I’m going out tonight so I’ll hopefully relax and have fun instead of too much thinking.
I’ve been attracting astrology girls who have “magical thinking” around money (the universe will provide, money is energy). Aside from money we seem compatible and I fall hard but the money thing is such a deal-breaker long term. I just can’t get on board with not planning in terms of finances and the future. I supported my family in my 20s. I’m 33F and can retire early in a few years. I’m trying to figure out how to assess finances earlier on or what to put in my profile to show this. I started mentioning being into FIRE, but I also don’t want to signal that I’m going to be expected to pay for everything. Should I even care early on?
I’m (34F) dating a 43(M) for about 6 weeks. We’ve had 10 dates or so. I like him a lot; I don’t think he likes me as much as I like him. We haven’t had the exclusivity talk yet. I did delete my online apps because I got sick of them. Trying to focus on the fact that he makes time for me but this early dating stage is rough. 😬 I am so worried about it. Trying to remind myself I barely know him and to give it time. I’m gonna talk to him about my feelings this weekend when I see him again, but I’m nervous.
I hate that most men on Grindr can’t hold a conversation, and I hate even more that it’s impossible to find someone who’s willing to at least meet for a drink beforehand. And I get from their perspective why they turn it down, because the next guy they message *will* just come over, have sex, and then leave. Why put in the additional time, effort, and money?
I have a friend who is currently in a relationship but when he was on Grindr he had no trouble finding men who would meet him for a date beforehand. He’s been for drinks, meals, to art galleries, gigs. What is it about me that makes me not worth the effort?
I’ve run out of men on Hinge. Two months in and the only match I’ve gotten is someone who lives in a different country, the only like I’ve gotten is from someone I used to hook up with who consistently forgot (unsure if intentional or not) my boundaries.
My ex added two new pics to his IG and I liked them both. No idea why. I’d unfollowed him but saw him in a reel from my tattoo studio and went and looked. Never done this before and feeling embarrassed. I’d had a few drinks after a shitty situation on Saturday with a guy being transphobic towards me and ended up checking on my ex.
So that’s my sins from the past few days, I’ll say my Hail Marys.
Kinda in limbo (both of us) to continue, fully stop, or step back with what’s going on between us. He is still processing the pain and trying to move past his ex wife. We also planned to see a show next week but with what’s going on, idk if it’ll happen. We’re both excited for it.
I don’t want a label yet but the fact that he hasn’t moved on fully from his past life is making me like a second option, a fixer upper, and a therapist fun buddy that he sees three to four times a month.
Any advice?