My husband (44) and I (42) have been together for 10 years and married for 8. We were very happy overall, however, I realized that he had some issues with emotional immaturity the last few years and tried bringing up my concerns with him two years ago. Unfortunately, he started becoming more emotionally abusive a year and a half ago and threatened to leave when I confronted him on it. We had a rough few weeks and I contemplated leaving but couldn’t face the thought of it at the time and my family seemed unsupportive.
We ended up doing marriage counseling, I read the book “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft and I finally seemed to get through to him that he needed to change some harmful behaviors. He read Lundy’s works addressing emotionally abusive men and appeared to make dramatic changes. Our relationship seemed transformed, with intimate, heartfelt, and honest conversations happening every day for a year. Unfortunately, he had a set back about six months ago and we started trying to get back on track again.
This time, I had doubts and wanted to be more prepared for independence. I had been applying to jobs for a long time after being laid off and finally had a job lined up a few months ago. Unfortunately, I then had a series of adverse health events, culminating in my husband making a medical choice when I was too incapacitated to know what was going on, that has led me to be (hopefully temporarily) disabled.
I am now completely dependent on him. I have expressed anger and frustration at what happened and also forgiveness and attempts at understanding. For his part, he oscillates from apologizing, to getting defensive, to saying that his goal is to get me healthy and then leave because he obviously can’t be trusted to have good judgment and protect me, and he’s hurt me too much.
My life is now transformed and I’m so scared that I won’t be able to have a full life in the future. I was very healthy, athletic, and joyful before this. I’m angry at my husband but need his constant care now. He now spends all his time taking me to doctors’ appointments, researching treatments, and doing absolutely everything to keep our house going.
Can a couple ever overcome something like this?