I have been married for 11 years. My marriage started with a lie. I was in love with someone else and madly in love. She cheated and left me. I used my current wife as a way to forget my ex but my wife loves me so much. Over the years, I started loving my wife, everything was good for 1 or 2 years.
We moved to Australia in 2015, after couple of months of being married. At the beginning everything was smooth, life was tough, college fee, rent, groceries so we had to work hard. As the time passed, our physical relationship decline. It became so bad that sometimes we used to have sex only after 2-3 months that was also painful and sometimes we had to stop in middle… so we went to doctor, there was nothing wrong. My wife has PCOS so her menstrual cycle is not regular. For that she used to take some pills which regulated her period on time. So doctor said that could be one of the reason as well for less physical activity.
In 2017 I had a bad football related injury so had to be bed ridden or out of work for 4/5 months. Everything changed, i couldn’t continue study, she worked 2 jobs, i always asked her to slow down, we need time for ourselves as well. At that time barely a good kiss, no intimacy. I have always been asking or letting her know about my need.
One day I decided to go on a dating app, i found a lady only for sex, she sent me a photo of herself naked which was discovered by my wife. After that she was heartbroken, i never had sex with that lady as I felt guilt. After that our relationship was good for couple of months, but the same cycle repeated. My wife now says I didn’t give her enough time to recover from my cheating but I feel like I did. Again the same thing started, less physical intimacy, again I went to dating app, again she found…. Again heartbroken. In 2023/24 I went to brothel. First time I had sex with someone. So much regret. And not good sex as for me sex is not just penetration, its connects the souls… everytime she caught me, she wanted me to leave, but I loved her. I really did so I used to say, lets try to fix, it used to be good for 1 or 2 months and used to be the same after.
In 2024 we decided to have a baby. I was very excited when she said okay. But in 2024 we barely had sex as it was our 9th year anniversary turning into 10th on May and as per my wife number 9 is not good. After May as well we didn’t have sex because she was going to Dubai in October to meet her brother and later when she came back she said that number 9 was not good so we can try from next year. I felt really bad. Really really bad. So we tried from December, and we got to know she was pregnant on Feb.
Since 2024 I used to talk with a lady from my workplace, just friendly talk but always talking. She is a married lady with 3 kids. Later we started having feelings for each other. We went out, and that outing happened after I got to know my wife is pregnant. After I kissed that lady in her lips, I couldn’t kiss my wife. I always kissed my wife before going to work and it stopped after I kissed that lady. That lady’s husband got to know about us, he beat me, told my wife after a while, after wife came to know about me and that lady she doesn’t want to stay with me which is a good decision as I don’t deserve the baby, i was never present during her pregnancy, never massaged her, never exercised with her, did absolutely nothing to help her instead gave her emotional trauma, social trauma.
So she told her family, my family and said we will not be together. I now am thinking, if I ask for forgiveness, she will forgive me and let me stay, not for her but for baby as she knows its my dream to be a dad and that is also of a girl. But my heart says, it will continue with the same problem between my wife and me as she has clearly told me that the situation of physical relationships will not improve. She never said she will try or thing, only said it wont improve rather it will go more downhill. So here I am thinking if I stay, it will be for my daughter only and me and my wife will have coldness between us, no love, only staying for baby, which I dont want to. Baby will grow up, I know she needs a dad, but she will grow up in between parents who doesn’t love each other and are not good with each other.
That lady’s husband told us that he has a video footage of her and mine kissing while she was in work uniform, and will send it to manager, to news agency as we both work in government hospital, he is a black belt and a karate trainer so I dont stand a chance in fight with him and told in front of her that he will kill me as he will happily go to jail, and will make sure that we both will be completely naked before he let us go. Her family was also on the phone when he told that
So she told me she will choose family over me which is okay with me.
My question is, how can I be with my wife now, when I know the same thing will continue, it wont change. I told my wife that I will stay with them till wife is bit settled and daughter will be at least 6 months old as my wife’s mother will be able to come and help as well. I dont know what to do…