A work colleague of mine suddenly died of a heart attack last week. He was 42, 2 young kids, no health issues whatsoever and a fit active man.
I had worked with him occasionally over the last couple of years, but we were not close outside of work.
I keep replaying the last time I saw him in my mind. Which was a totally normal interaction. It’s really making me think since I’m 38 how life can just be taking away from us so easily without warning. And now I’m questioning everything. And also questioning what if that was me and what legacy I would leave, and also what financial support I would leave for my own kids.
26 comments
Make sure you have life insurance
On the financial support for the kids – if you don’t have life insurance, probably worth looking into it, as it only increases in price as you age.
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Moments like these push us to dig deep and reflect on what truly needs to change in our lives. The challenge is that, as time passes, those powerful feelings can fade, and we risk slipping back into routine without making meaningful changes.
Recently, I watched a friend pass away from cancer in their early 30s, leaving behind young children. It forced me to confront how trivial some of my worries are, things they would have given anything to face instead of their own reality.
Since high school, I’ve known around ten classmates who’ve died whether from cancer, road accidents, or suicide. Out of a year group of about 150, that’s a sobering number. It reminds me that aging is a privilege, not a guarantee.
Our time will come, and when it does, I hope I’ve lived a life I’m proud of, not one that was safe but soul-crushing. We owe it to ourselves to choose meaning over comfort.
Don’t waste the time we have
Often times its just genetics. A colleague of mine is an avid cyclist. He did multiple long bike races a year. Then he got a heart scan, just because things felt a little off. Next thing I know he was getting quadruple bypass surgery because his arteries were horribly blocked. Just blind luck that he hadn”t had a fatal heart attack.
You just never know. If there is something you need to say to a loved one, say it. If there is a fence that needs to be mended with a family member, don’t put it off. Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one.
The first one makes you think. The second and third light a fire under your ass.
May your colleague rest easy.
I was at a recent funeral for a pal’s father. It was a beautiful service. A celebration of life. He lived. Sure he did some exaggerating things, maybe what some would call irresponsible but I always knew him as someone who lived his life on his on terms.
I had the honor of trailering a prized motorcycle to his funeral to ride in procession to his resting grounds. One of the most defining moments of my life.
Keeping this readable, I had no idea the spark and smile that motorcycle would bring all his family and friends. It was unbelievable is the only word I have.
What I am getting at is life waits for no one. Alternatively, no matter how much you make, or save… You can never buy more time. Sure the wealthy can afford better care but when it’s time, it is time. A somber reminder that death is inevitable.
Don’t feel lost. Find your center. To some of us that is work. I’ve never understood that honestly, but hey that’s the beauty of it.
If you have kids/wife/partner my suggestion is do more with them. Find ways to make a budget work for simple excursions, or heck go all out. I’ve never once said, damn I wished I didn’t go on that vacation, including the ones that had challenges pop up.
Remember to live, but also admire death because in that moment, one day you’ll leave this world behind, so live a life you’ll remember.
Rest easy, Tim Bergling.
Just because he looked healthy doesn’t mean he didn’t have high cholesterol. If he had high cholesterol for long enough and ignored it, you would never know.
Being fit and active is irrelevant if your diet is garbage. A family friend was an ultra marathon athlete and had to get some major heart surgery young and later passed away from heart attack. His diet was a lot of processed foods, fast foods and eating out.
My mom died when she was 42. Life is shitty sometimes.
Write a will and get life insurance nothing will fuck you harder than a partner dieing and leaving nothing to protect your loved ones. Sorry I dont want to diminish your feelings
Almost 40.
I’ve had friends pass away suddenly and unexpectedly as well.
Makes you appreciate what you have a lot more – we never know when it’s going to be over.
At 40 you’re just getting into being surprised when someone dies. Everybody up to that point had know issues; the heavy drinkers who never grew up from high school, the dude with the pills issue. Wait till your late 50d when people REALLY start dropping. Cancer, heart attacks, healthy, not healthy. It becomes a crap shoot. And it stops being a surprise and I guess there is some solace in that,
One of my best friends was a former coworker who passed away suddenly and unexpectedly via complications of strep throat. He was 37, had a wife and two little girls, had just finished building his dream house on a few acres of land out in the country. He was hospitalized 3 days before Christmas and they removed life support about a week into the new year. We worked together for like 7 years and I was the only one from work asked to be a pallbearer. It’s a hell of a thing.
You have no idea when your time may be up, make sure the people you love know it, make the important moments count.
His wife made him get a *very* hefty life insurance policy a couple years before he passed which secured them financially thank goodness. Something to consider.
How do you know he had no health issues? He might have one that wasn’t physically visible like untreated sleep apnea.
I hear you, I’ve had several of these types of losses over the last couple years. Personally, at 43, I can accept that I’ll go at any moment. I have a sig other that I absolutely love and plan on spending the rest of my life with, I have no kids and no regrets about that decision, solid career and have made solid financial decisions. If I go tomorrow or in another 50 years, I’m happy with the decisions I’ve made in life. I’ll have no regrets whenever I blink out of existence. The idea of legacy means nothing to me. Everyone you know will also die within 1-2 generations of your death, so you will be completely forgotten after two generations …. You don’t need to worry about legacy.
As i get older, death among peers unfortunately is a more common experience. Just a reminder to do the things you want to do and be less frugal with your savings
I had this thought recently too. If I had a medical emergency right now and passed out, nobody would miss me until I started missing my bills. Even then, it’d probably be months before they found my body.
In my case I don’t have to leave financial support for anyone, my bank accounts would probably go to the state.
But I think the only ones who would notice my absence are the feral cats I feed every day.
I had a friend pass away before 50 from lung cancer, and another one dealing with it right now. Some of these diseases creep up on you no matter how healthy you might look on the outside, like a truly silent killer.
But, you could also die in a no fault of your own car accident. One of the regulars I see often on a local hiking trail lost his father to a red light runner recently. I almost died myself earlier this year from a speeder who crossed a double yellow into oncoming traffic on a two lane road.
Our lives are fragile, and we are at the mercy of the universe, and have far less control than we pretend to have. Aim to live the best and most respectable life that you can, and treat your loved ones well. Not much else you can do.
Same thing happened for me. My boss/manager of 4 years. Went to sleep on a Monday night didn’t wake up on a Tuesday morning. I worked very close with her as she would proof all our reports and work with us to finesse them before sending out. Was also a sounding board for growing (both personally and professionally) I was 33 at the time she was 42 as well I beleive. Two kids and a husband too. I literally was on a teams call with her working at 4pm Monday. Then sent her a slack message at 830am saying let me know when your online and we can start. Was weird not hearing back but 9. At 930 we had company wide meeting. It was not good. Took me many weeks to get over it. And still now I think back to her.
I can top that: one of my son’s classmates just died of a heart attack, in his senior year of high school. It’s normal for that to happen to a limited few in their 40s and 50s, but kind of unthinkable in your late teens. But it still happens.
People die suddenly all the time, it’s just that it’s not as common as it used to be.
I had a buddy that was a health nut, got up at 5am and worked out every day, in bed by 8pm every night, no alcohol, no drugs, healthy lifestyle, etc. Fit & solid as piece of steel.
Died of a heart attack at 48.
My dad is 93 and has never worked out a day in his life. Still active as can be.
You just never know.
Honestly, I really don’t think about accidents and illnesses at all.
I’ve worked hard to train my brain to only focus on things it can control.
I reflect a lot on, ‘What am I thinking — how does this benefit me?’
You have finite mental energy each day: any points allocated on pointless worrying could have been used to figure out useful, interesting problems.
I highly recommend this tactic.
You can control your fitness, strength and having life insurance.
Any mental energy applied to things you cannot control is wasted.
This happened to my husband at 45. He was training for a marathon. Was an avid outdoorsman. No indication of any issues. We went to an art fair one morning and I drove home three hours later widowed and a single father. We had delayed a camping trip that weekend and I’m so glad we did. I don’t know I could have handled that happening in the middle of the woods somewhere.
One good thing to come out of this is that a number of my friends have told me they’ve pressed their doctors for additional health screenings and have found issues they wouldn’t have known about, so maybe some lives have been changed.
Take care of yourself. Be your own advocate when it comes to your healthcare. Don’t be afraid of your doctor, guys. It’s easy to avoid your annual physicals, but it may save your life.
When I first started working at 22, my boss (53) suddenly passed away while cycling with his club. He told his friends he wasn’t feeling well and decided to head home alone. He never made it back. Another cyclist later found him lying by the side of a dirt road, still clipped into his pedals. He’d suffered a stroke and died there. He left behind a wife and two children. I’m 26 now, and I still think about it sometimes.