TL;DR – I’m either a victim or my spouse was insensitive today about my worry over losing my rapidly declining Dad.
Not a great day. Worried about Dad. Arguing with my spouse for being bossy and rude. I’m very sure that I’m not playing a victim. I mean, kind of. I don’t know if she’s insensitive or I’m being dramatic.
My Dad is at the “giving up” stage. To put it frankly, he’s more or less shitting himself to death. He’s 84 and has been through a lot in the past 6 years. He’s wasting away.
Meanwhile, my wife is putting down vinyl flooring, which is great, except when she’s frustrated and takes random shots at me, nit picky stuff.
Ugh, if it’s nit picky, why am I so upset? I had almost non relationship with my dad other than him being a scary alcoholic. I’ve had very little real conversations with him in 45 years. We literally had like a half a dozen “father son” type outings when I was growing up.
I let all that give me an excuse to not really try to connect with him on my end, and that’s not right. I’m not exactly wrecked with guilt or regret about it, but I am accountable for my part of any relationship, so yeah…
So, that leads to me blowing up at my wife and telling her that today it really doesn’t seem like she cares about me as much as the floors. I Which is either silly victim stuff, or I have a point.
She’s not here to defend herself, so all I should say is I felt there was more or less no real consideration for how fragile I might be today.
Not like hold me or walk on eggshells, just don’t call me just to angrily ask me to throw out a cat food can from the night before because you’re frustrated and tired from a hard job cutting flooring around door frames. It’s not as if I’m constantly leaving them around, which made it feel like she was just using me to blow off steam or whatever we’re thinking when we take out our own emotions on other people
That was followed by her telling me to stop buying weed pipes. She doesn’t care that I smoke. She saw the four that I own, two of them were given to me by my brother a few years ago and the other two are about 4 years old. So yeah.
That was after I found her pencil like one minute after the cat food thing .
It’s kinda silly and kinda sad.
Sometimes I am very selfish and victim-y. But sometimes it’s your Dad. I didn’t even need to really talk about how I feel about it, just no passive aggressive stuff, just for today.