Me 48M, her 45F, Married for almost 20 years, 2 kids. Let me start by saying I adore my wife and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love everything about her and am extremely attracted to her. She treats me great in so far as being supportive and kind and is a great mom to our late teenage kids. We both work full time.
I have always been the higher sex drive and more affectionate one in the marriage. I get that people are built different. All I ask is for her to use her words and actions to make me FEEL that she's attracted to me. I tell her daily how beautiful she is, buy her thoughtful things, and listen when she has problems. Very seldom do I hear from her that I look handsome or do I see her seem actually "horned up" by anything about me. I literally have to just wait for her to be in the mood for intimacy. It does not feel good to me that there is absolutely nothing I can do to turn her on, other than when I put my work uniform on for her recently. I know I am decently attractive, maybe not a total head turner, but certainly not ugly. I'm 6'5, 260lbs and go to the gym 5 days a week and am in pretty good shape. I also know that deep down, she is attracted to me, she just doesn't show it in a way that resonates with me. We've had countless conversations and she will make an effort the way I need for a few days then it's back to the old ways. We went out for dinner last night and I told her she looked gorgeous, she didn't say a word about I how looked.
When it comes to sex, she has an issue with pressure. Admittedly years ago I used to complain about the frequency more and I understand this issue for her. Now, I have accepted that I cannot initiate sex and simply have to wait for her to approach me. I don't like it, but I've accepted it. The problem is, this also contributes to my feeling of not being attractive to her. All in all, we have a great relationship except for this issue and an imbalance in intimacy dynamics.
Not sure what to do here. I never have, and never would, cheat on her. I want her and her alone to meet these needs.