Hey everyone,

I’m writing here because I genuinely don’t know if I’m in the wrong or if my girlfriend is being too jealous.

I (28M) have been with my girlfriend (27F) for 3 years. I really love her, but we often fight after social situations: especially when there are friends or people I’ve known for a long time. She’s very jealous, and today we had another big argument.

We were having lunch today with my old friends, everything was friendly and relaxed, but two things happened:

  1. I have two brothers, and both of them (years apart) dated the same girl. The topic was on the table. One of my friends jokingly said something like, “come on, make it a trio.”
  2. One of my female friends (I had a short thing with her 8 years ago) was talking on the balcony with a new guy. Another friend joked: “Hey, don’t go for him too!”. Fact is that this female friend had an affair with a friend of mine not long a go. I thought of that, but my gf thought that it was referring to me. (about this joke, I pretended to not hear it)

They were just jokes, nothing serious. There were a lot of jokes at the table, as you often do with friends you have known since forever. I didn’t respond harshly or get involved: I just laughed it off. But my girlfriend’s expression changed, and later she pulled me aside and we had a huge fight.

She said she felt disrespected and unsupported because I didn’t speak up or “defend” her, and instead just laughed along with everyone else.

I didn’t mean any disrespect. I was just trying to keep things light and avoid drama. But she felt hurt and says I should have said something.

It’s not the first time something like this happens:

  • Once, I randomly met an old high school female friend. She got excited (we didn't see each other for years), jumped to hug me, and my girlfriend got really mad because she thought I encouraged it. She thought this friend wanted me but come on..
  • Another time, at a party, I sat on a couch with a female friend to talk. The couch wasn’t in view of everyone, and even though it was just a chat, my girlfriend got really upset.

At this point, I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or if she has an issue with jealousy and trust. I really think she is a girl that needs a man that shows to others that she is the one (I confront the other with her looking, sort of this thing).

Today’s argument might end our relationship, and that really hurts because I love her. But I’m starting to wonder if we’re just not compatible.

Any advice or outside perspective would mean a lot. Thank you.

I’m no longer able to judge the situation of today. I care about my girlfriend SO MUCH (I show that to her everyday) but she thinks I care about her only when we are alone and not with friends. What do you think?

Sorry for my English..

TL;DR: My girlfriend often gets jealous or upset after social events with my friends. Today she got angry because I didn’t "defend" her when my friends made jokes about me and other girls. I think I was just trying to avoid drama, but she felt disrespected. I’m not sure if I did something wrong or if it’s a trust issue.


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