I (23F) and my now ex boyfriend (24M) were seeing each other for just under a year. It’s important to note in this instance that there is a cultural difference between us. Not religious, but in terms of ethnicities. We had the most wonderful relationship and I’m talking soulmate level connection. So obviously when he tells me one day that he doesn’t see a future with me I was a mess. But, the reason was because he has very ingrained views on how his family should look and how his children will share his culture. It was always established that his parents would not be best pleased but we would deal with that together and on one side of it all his siblings and cousins know about me and have no problems. Anyway, one day he shared with me that he just simply cannot see how our future would work purely for these cultural reasons. He said I was his ideal woman, wife material and I would be a great mother, but these issues made him unable to see things working long term. Given that news I immediately said we must end the relationship and (much to his surprise) I walked away.
It was a very painful breakup and he took it very badly. I focused on moving on and growing and learning that I had put myself first and chosen the best thing for myself, however he was desperate to get back together. This has persisted over a long time frame now and whenever we speak it’s clear how much this has affected him. I shut most of it down well even though it was upsetting because I was very good at feeling the closure. Yet, I did indulge in hearing him out more than I should. He was never manipulative and was always respectful of my boundaries, but was very clearly upset that things were over.
At this point, I have started seeing someone else. They are lovely in a lot of ways and they tick a lot of boxes for me but we’re not quite at an exclusive stage. So who knows why but this time speaking to my ex I agreed to meet him. I think something inside me just needed to see him again. That part I haven’t yet analysed, but the point is I saw him. We spent hours with crying, talking, laughing and more crying. We had THE most beautiful day together. It was us again. It was right. Everything felt right. I felt clearly how much this man loved me. How much he wanted me. I can’t begin to put this day into words.
The issue is that he cannot firmly say that down the line he could choose me. Despite everything this man is feeling and showing me (and I know this man so well I can trust him from the bottom of my heart) he still thinks there is a chance that he won’t settle down for marriage and kids with me.
So I’m stuck. He is my dream man, he sees how we would work, he openly admits I am his dream woman, but he can’t see past how he wants his children to have the exact upbringing he did and largely I imagine he fears how I would integrate with his family. Obviously I have told him a thousand times how I would learn and do whatever it took to immerse myself in this side of him and nourish it, but the issue just is I am not of the same background.
And to top it all off, there’s a lovely boy I could explore things with and Ive always been very capable of finding closure and being able to move forward with my life, until today. Reddit, empathise with a girl like me. I stick around, I hope things go one way and enjoy our time together and I would be the happiest woman on the planet with him truly.. or I stick around and my heart breaks. Or lastly, I lose a loving relationship and say goodbye.
I’m probably missing a lot of context and I’m neurodivergent so panicking about how this all sounds already so please hold back on any personal attacks lmao.
Just what would you do?
TL;DR broke up over cultural differences, bf couldn’t see future for his kids, couldn’t handle breaking up and wants to be together despite not knowing for sure what the future will be for us