Sorry its long,
I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (36M) for almost 4 years. He’s a people’s person, funny, and we have good moments, but a lot of things still bother me, even if they happened a while ago.
About a year and a half ago he used to “joke” about needing to humble me used to tell me a lot of time randomly that I’m not all that and that there are far more pretty woman than me. I know I’m not the prettiest, but I grew up fat and with bad acne, so now that I’ve lost some weight and cleared my skin, that’s more than enough for me to finally feel beautiful. So hearing that from the person I love really hurt me. After months of telling him to stop doing it, he finally did but now when he calls me beautiful it just feels weird like I’m not sure to believe or not. What makes you change your mind now?
Then around 6–7 months ago he made me delete my Instagram because of something he swore he saw but could never prove. He already had my phone password, and one night while I was asleep, he went through my phone. I felt completely invaded, but instead of apologizing, he kept pressuring me to delete my account. Meanwhile, he’s never once let me see his phone or shared his password. He even admitted that if it had been the other way around, if he’d asked for mine and I said no, he would’ve broken up with me. That one still stings. I feel like I betrayed myself for allowing it. Even now, I feel like I’m the one putting in most of the effort. I cook, clean, and try to plan things (which means if I plan I pay), but he mostly wants to stay home or do what he likes. When we go out, it’s usually something he picks (sport games most of the times), and I’m the one paying for the food and he gets the tickets. It’s not even about the money, I just don’t feel like he really tries for me and when he does is usually when I’m already mad or sad over something. I wish it happened for often when I’m in happy and relaxed as well
It’s been months since all that, but I still can’t find peace about it. I keep wondering if I’m being too emotional or holding onto old stuff… or if maybe that’s my gut telling me I’m just not happy anymore???