Im a 23M and my ex-girlfriend is 22F, we had been dating for 3 years, known each other for 4. I met her at work and since that day we fell in love with each other truly. We started as a fun no label thing. After a few months she told me she had true feelings for me and couldn’t be in an open relationship. I got the courage and asked her to be my girlfriend. We would see each other almost every day, to the point of her pretty much staying with me the whole time. After two years we decided to move in together, 6 months after that we decided to get a puppy and raise him together.
The last month has been super though since we were having big fights (that ultimately led to our breakup) It was really though I was annoyed at mundane things like she wasn’t helping me out enough with the dishes or cleaning around, and she felt like I could help her out more with our dog, that led to a huge fight where I started screaming (which I know is wrong) I was honestly super angry and said that “I couldn’t remember the last time I was happy” but really I know I said to hurt and didn’t mean it at all. I know what I said is done and can’t take it back. So after those two big fights we decided we would take a break and started sleeping separately. After a couple of days she retracted herself and told me we could go back to sleeping in the same bed. I was so happy and felt like we were on the right path but just a few days after she told me that we needed to talk and thats when I knew.
She said “ I don’t think we should be together anymore” it broke me. She told me that those words I have said we’re intolerable and she couldn’t stand the way I talked to her, she said that she wants someone that wants something for their lives, and basically she doesn’t trust me anymore. Big thing is that we still live together and our lease doesn’t end until summer of next year. Since that day we have slept in different rooms and didn’t really talk to each other. 2 weeks went by and she called me to pick her up from this bar, and I still love her like the first day so of course I’ll pick up the phone at 2 am if she needs me. I asked her if she was with other guys and she confessed that she kissed someone but regretted it and I broke again.
That next day I told her I couldn’t keep doing this, I cant be living under the same roof with my ex if shes kissing and talking to other guys ( it hadn’t even been 2 weeks that we broke up and she was already kissing someone else) I basically said “either you move out or I do because I cant keep living like this” This led to another deep conversation where I basically asked her what her “end goal was with me?” she said “I want us to be together” After she said that I was the happiest guy on earth for a second. She said that she can’t say for certain what she wants cause she doesn’t know and wants to focus on her school and work. She also said that she doesn’t see herself on a relationship until shes done with school (2 years from now) We landed on that we would still be single and that she wanted to see if I had changed for the better ( I’m a really pessimistic and negative person) so I’m working on that. So we kinda landed on well see where this goes. I also had to emphasize that I couldn’t do this if she kept talking to other guys and we agreed that we wouldn’t talk to other people.
So after that we started hanging out a little bit, like we went grocery shopping, she made dinner, we have gone on hikes, walks and I’ve just had so much fun. So I’m in a situation where I don’t know exactly what my next step should be. I don’t know if I should take a step back and you know that things play out or if I should you know try to be more flirty and engaging with her.
One big thing that did happen was the fact that we did kiss like the day that we had that first talk and I looked at her and I asked her if I could kiss her she said yes, but then she stopped me saying that she didn’t wanna send the wrong message and that was that. But just a few days ago I texted her a picture of our dog and also said “I’m thinking about you” she responded by saying like hey you cannot say that to me because I don’t want things to get confusing and basically telling me that we’re not in a relationship anymore.
so after that, I had to like talk to her again asking like OK so what are the boundaries like cause I did give her flowers I got her breakfast and made coffee for her all these things so I don’t know what I can do and what I can’t do so we landed on the fact that we we were not gonna text each other unless it was like necessary for the dog, but she did say that it was OK for me to still try and you know give her flowers compliment, her, and all these things. she did say that she couldn’t give me a timeline or a date us to when she thinks we could get back together or if we could ever get back together so we agreed that we would just keep going the way we are you know like not being a couple,more like roommates and seeing where it goes and just honestly hoping that she finds her response rather sooner than later.
And she said that she’d like to reassess our situation 4 months before our leased ended, so we could see where were at.
My end goal is to be with her, I love her and told her that I want her to be my future wife and mother of my kids. Please help a depressed and anxious man that doesn’t know what to do.