I have been in a relationship with a man for about a year now. It's had its ups and downs but we've made it through. Recently though I feel like maybe he's beeing manipulative? Am I going crazy? Please be the voice of reason because I feel like I'm losing my mind, doubting myself and my own perception of things. I genuinely can't tell if its actually bad, or if my past relationships that were bad have me making mountains out of molehills.
For starters, he has a tendency to be extremely insecure. He has at least two times accused me of cheating, and a whole bunch of other times hinted at it. For instance, if I have a day off and I sleep in, he will get antsy and start messaging me asking if I'm "enjoying my time with my other boyfriend". If I get upset with this line of questioning, he responds with either that hes joking, or that I'm just so beautiful he has a hard time believing I'm not cheating on him.
Any time we have had an argument, and I get quiet because I need time to cool down, he says things like "guess I'll just go drive my car off a bridge since you're going to leave me." Or "just tell me if you're going to leave me so I can end it." 90% of the time it ends with me saying I'm not leaving him, and then the argument is just over because once I say that he acts like nothing happened, and I feel like a nuisance bringing it back up to actually discuss it.
If I get upset with him, he has a tendency to say this is how he knows he loves me more, because he wouldn't get that upset, or he just starts sending me messages (or telling me in person) how much he loves me and how beautiful I am etc.
I recently was very sick. I ended up in the emergency room more than once to figure out what was going on. After a procedure that went wrong, I ended up in a tremendous amount of pain, on top of being sick. I was practically bed bound for a week, and getting out of bed was awful. Every time I needed to be checked out, he whined about spending hours in the hospital. To the point that the first time I sent him home, and multiple times when I was debating going back to get checked out, I didn't end up going because it wasn't worth listening to the whining.
After this last incident, I'm feeling all sorts of different ways. On one side, we don't fight all that often. We get along for the most part. We do well being around each other, and I do enjoy his presence most of the time. I finally feel like I've found someone I can see being with for a long time. But at the same time, theres a voice in the back of my head telling me I'm yet again dating someone who's not a great person for me and I'm ignoring all the signs that are right in front of my face.
TL;DR: ive been dating a guy for a year and its been alright. But there are some things that to me feel manipulative and off (accusing me of cheating, saying hes going to kill himself if i leave him, whining about him having to wait when i was sick and needed a doctor, etc) and I can't tell if its me being overly cautious because of past abusive relationships or if these really are red flags.