Hi everyone,
I’ve been with my girlfriend (30F) for over a year now, and I (32M) genuinely love her. Because she was struggling to find an apartment, we decided to move in together — into my (pretty small) place. She’s one of the kindest and most supportive people I’ve ever met. We get along incredibly well, share the same values, our families know each other, and she’s beautiful in her own way.
But lately, things have become more complicated. I’ve realized that I’m not really sexually attracted to her. It’s not that I find her unattractive — I just don’t feel that spark or physical desire, and it’s been weighing on me.
On top of that, living together has revealed some differences that cause tension. She’s quite messy and often lacks awareness when it comes to household chores or organization. I like things clean and structured, and we end up arguing about it more often than I’d like.
Now, her visa situation is adding a lot of pressure. The only realistic way for her to stay in the country long-term would be if we got married. She’s not pushing me, but we’ve talked about it seriously — and our families already know about the plan.
I feel stuck between my head and my heart. I care deeply about her, but I’m worried that marrying under these circumstances might lead to resentment later. I want to do the right thing for both of us, but I don’t know how to approach it.
What’s the best way to have this conversation with her and make a thoughtful decision without causing unnecessary pain?
TL;DR: I love my girlfriend and we’re compatible in many ways, but I’m not sexually attracted to her. We also argue about household habits, and her visa situation adds pressure to marry. I need advice on how to handle this honestly and fairly for both of us.