I've been in this relationship for 3 and a half years already with this man.
Is our relationship healthy? I'd say so. He portrays all the green flags I like to see in someone. We communicate, we share the secrets of our hearts, we are gentle with each other.
But beyond that? Idk. I can't find much common ground with him. Yeah we laugh over funny stuff, talk about moral dilemmas, and watch movies together, but I feel like I'm not being my real self around him. Even after these years I still can't seem to connect to him outside of deep talks. It's awkward whenever we hang out. Silent moments, lack of ideas on what to do, and without other people in the room it's hard to be completely comfortable. Even our calls are awkward. Cuddling feels weird sometimes amidst the sweetness of it. What are you supposed to do during it? We've tried different things to feel comfy around each other, such as trying each other's hobbies. Didn't work so well.
I have this feeling that we only got together because we needed someone to trust. Someone to fill the void of loneliness we couldn't get rid of. Someone to grasp onto for a future together. Are we actually in love? Like, romantically? Yeah, we genuinely are. I get butterflies, he gets butterflies, we feel this crushy love with each other. But why can't that love expand to our casualness?
I don't know how we can both feel more free and comfortable together. I don't know how we can find ways to enjoy time together normally. What do I do?
TL;DR, me and my bf have been together for 3 and a half years, yet we can't figure out how to not feel awkward around each other and we can't find new ways to hang out that would be enjoyable for us both. Our relationship is socially dying.