Okay so this is a long one and needs A LOT of context. Sorry for the long post in advance but it's something that has been eating me up for a really long time.
This takes me to six years ago when I 20F at the time was in my second in year of university, Studying in the same campus, (we weren't in the same career) with one of my best friends (Khloe 20F), that I know from kindergarten, became close to her after high school.
I introduced her to my friends, she matched with one of my close friends from my career called Ally, they matched because they liked kpop groups and started talking since that moment on, nothing more than friends because my friend Ally (20F) had a girlfriend at the time.
Ally and other 4 friends from Uni also became super close and became best friends the 5 of us. Outside of this friend group, Ally and Khloe started to become closer. Even when I wasn't with them I knew that they hang, which I liked bc two of my best friends were starting to be closer.
Plot twist turns out Ally cheated on her girlfriend for 3 months with Khloe. I had my suspiciousn bc I saw some weird things, like times when we had sleepovers they would sleep in the same bed or if we were watching a movie they were cuddling. I didn't notice at first because Ally is the type to be physically affectioned with all her friends, not me because I don't really like physical touch with anyone or takes me a lot of time to allowed it. Well Khloe told we what happened after it was over, she actually got to really like Ally and wanted to be in a real relationship with her.
Ally never mentioned to the group or to me personally only years later after I asked. We all knew that Ally and her girlfriend were having problems and had or suspicions of Ally cheating on her girlfriend with one boy that was also my friend… Which she also kinda did too but that's another story.
Going back to Khloe, when she told me what happened between her and Ally never said any details only that they fucked and fool around for months. One time at a party, after Khloe was a little drunk, she told me everything or most of it. From her perspective Ally was in love with her and was going to breakup with her girlfriend to be with her, even gave each other presents and Ally knew Khloe's family and hangout more than we knew. She always talked to her about her problems with her girlfriend and when Ally fought with her girlfriend she always went to Khloe for comfort. Obviously this did not end well for any of them, parted ways in Khloe's birthday and never spoke to each other ever again.
Four years past and the pandemic hit.
After started to settle a little, I went back to my job that I had before the pandemic at a hotel in which Khloe started working do to lack of staff. Small hotel only 4 rooms where I had my own to sleep in after my shifts.
Ally and I bonded over video games and talked everyday playing animal crossing, having little dates in game, playing fornite until morning with her friends from highschool and other stuff.
Suddenly out of nowhere and by accident, started sexting with Ally… I Always had a weird but funny and flirty relationship with my female friends, never something that was for real. But do to some unknown reason Ally and I got too serious and not to give a lot of detail it was really really sexting, pictures, calls, videos and all. The lonelyness of the pandemic I guess.
Then this turned to real feelings for her but ignored do to Ally still being with her girlfriend. I know I know, sexting was okay but feelings was out of line? Hypocrite much? Anyway not to justify it but Ally had already broken up and gotten back with her girlfriend so much, didn't mean a lot to me or I guess I just wanted to ignore that what was I doing was wrong.
But god it was something I never had felt before, had girlfriends and boyfriends before but never felt this love before. Ive had ran with the wolves and refused to settle down and this this love felt so much different, it was good and brighter like daylight.
This was for a few months and Ally broke up with her girlfriend and we started dating long distance because she is from another city.
Remember, Khloe was working with me right? Well she noticed something weird in me and I confessed I was in love with someone but didn't want to say who. I confessed and she got REALLY vissualy mad. She stand up and left by saying that Ally was a walking red flag and proceed to text me that Ally had forced or "convinced" her to have sex with her one time she didn't want to when they were "dating" and that she didn't want me to mention her name ever again and that I real friend would not do this and I should stay away from Ally. Understandable, I avoided every conversation regarding Ally and after a few months Khloe kinda "forgot" but never forgive, didn't asked her to tho as I understand that she was hurt by Ally and I didn't really want her to forgive me because I couldn't help to fall in love like this.
Its been four years now, Ally and I live together have pets together and planning to get married. Honestly best relationship I ever had. She makes me feel so loved and cared for as I do for her as well. Not a perfect relationship like non relationship is but we always communicate everything and always fix our problems talking and being open and kind.
Khloe was good at first and we were friends as always for a while , but now she almost doesnt talk to me. Maybe she has cut me out of her life without telling me, as she has tried before but always came back because as she has said to me herself I am or was a really important part of her life. Now I don't think I am anymore. Don't blame her but it's been so long I don't understand how she could still hold a grudged for so long.
But honestly not to be and Asswhole. I am genually happy with my life but always wondered if I Should do something to fix the relationship between me an my friend or is it even worth it?