My husband (32M) and I (30F) have been married for 10 years. We just had our third baby 6 months ago. We went through years of infertility and finally conceived via IVF. We have 2 other children. When our 3rd was born, he got a huge work opportunity the week after we were home from the hospital. It has been a great thing for him but it’s taken him away from our family. He’s working longer days, even nights, I know some of this is normal and he’s building up his career. I just can’t help but feel a little bit resentful because I’m the main caretaker of our 3 children and have been handling the baby on my own since she was a newborn.
Some days I feel like I barely get to talk to my husband. It feels like we’re roommates and he just comes and goes as he pleases. I’m just here taking care of the kids and doing the day to day. When he gets home, it’s time to start the evening routine and get everyone to bed. We conquer and divide but a lot of the time he’s on his phone handling work stuff still. It’s just never ending. We maybe get an hour to spend together in a whole day. He wakes up before everyone, goes to the gym and then comes home to bring one of the kids to school on his way to work, so I’ll see him for 10-15 minutes in the morning before he’s off to work and then I don’t see him until he’s home.
I’ve voiced my feelings to him and maybe it’s just because I am still postpartum but I just feel so… alone. He tells me that this is normal and I just have to deal with it. But is it? Should I feel so lonely in this marriage? I didn’t feel like this 2-3 years ago. We used to be best friends and I feel like I hardly even know what’s going on with him anymore. I miss just talking and having a connection.
To make matters worse, he does work very closely with a female colleague. He talks to her more than me because well he is working a ton. I feel like she knows more about him and vice versa than we do. He tells her about our kids, he knows about her kids. I feel jealous because she’s getting his attention. I don’t necessarily suspect anything romantic but it makes me wonder. If I am craving an emotional connection and feeling lonely, is he the same? But maybe he’s getting it from her? Maybe I’m spiraling.
Is it possible to get past this phase? Do I just suck it up?