Recently I tried my hand at dating apps. I'm an average dude, probably slightly above average if I put a lot of effort into looking good on a given day. recently lost a lot of weight so I feel better than I once did and I'm a lot more confident now.
But with the apps I just couldn't do it. I gave up after 3 days. Seeing people I knew in real life on there made me sad, and overall the experience was a chore. I did get 40 likes across 5 apps in 3 days, so I wasn't doing bad, but still I opted to quit. Dating apps really, really suck for the average guy. They are not meant to help you find a partner, quite the opposite, they are incentivized to keep you there as long as possible and squeeze money out of you. I refuse to pay up even a single cent.
So I want to learn to cold-approach, and I need some tips.
Looking online most cold-approach advice seems to come from pickup-artist type guys, who's advice is nothing if not amusing, but it's not useful advice for me. I'm not looking to "pick up" women for hookups, I want to find a girl around my age (21) who has interests and life goals in common with me. I want a long term relationship.
Looking on reddit, I see a lot of different opinions on cold-approach. Some dudes say it works for them but you should expect a lot of rejection (which is much the same as the apps). Other guys say its not worth it at all, but personally I want to try anyways. Opinions differ amongst women as well, some find it annoying, others find it flattering, others have not been approached in person at all since the apps are so prevalent now.
I have my own personal protocol for approaching strangers:
- Approach people from where they can see you so you don't startle them.
- Don't approach people who seem busy/have earbuds in/are already immersed in conversation.
- Don't stand too close and make the person feel physically cornered.
- Start with casual conversation, don't give any compliments that you yourself wouldn't want from a stranger.
Sometimes I talk to strangers (men, women, anyone who looks friendly) when I'm bored waiting in lines, and it goes well. These conversations tend to be very brief so I don't struggle with them. But, I've never had a longer conversation with a stranger, nor have I tried to get a girl's number this way, and I don't know how. It's not rejection that I'm worried about, dating is a numbers game. If she seems uncomfortable or just disinterested I'll just excuse myself and head out, no big deal. What I am worried about is running out of steam mid conversation.
I plan to approach women who I think I might share interests in common with, and who look friendly/open to conversation. However, I don't know what to start a conversation about. How do I shift that conversation towards getting a number? How do I make sure I don't come across as overbearing/pushy? How do I introduce myself in the first place? Should I complement women who I approach, and if do, how do I do it right?
If you are a man, what works for you? How do you build up your confidence? If you are a woman, how would you like to be approached (if at all)?
Thanks everyone!