I have found my wife texting other on numerous occasions and have told her that it bothers me but she still continues to do it. She tells me that it’s not my business and she can do what she wants saying that she is allowed to have friends but I have seen text. Work guys have told her before that she is sexy, and when I have a question that she has told me that I should be proud that other men find my wife attractive. Am I the only person who thinks that is wrong? I find be cheating and honestly I actually think she most likely is actually cheating on me. One night about a year ago when she went out for drinks with one of her girlfriends, I noticed that she was acting strange and when she sat her phone down, I looked at it and found that she was texting some guy and he was telling her that she looked sexy And she said really? And he said yes, you look real good and I asked her about who it was and she said oh it was some guy that was from the town that she was from and I looked into it, and it was a guy who was a little bit older of course that happened to be some attractive muscular or a great looking guy And of course, that definitely bothers me. I mean, I’m not dumb. Clearly she wants to hook up with him or they probably actually already have. Guess until I actually catch it in action not much I can actually do.
47 comments
Get a divorce she isn’t your wife. She’s a single lady who tells you she is your wife.
Sit her down and explain that these actions make you feel uncomfortable, and that if she wants to see other people you would prefer a divorce over her doing it secretly
Hire a PI if you need to know for sure. Otherwise just divorce. She has no respect for you or your marriage regardless of whether she is physically cheating (which she is almost certainly doing).
It’s completely understandable that this bothers you.
Flirty texts with other men, especially after you’ve expressed that it upsets you, are a valid boundary issue. You deserve honesty and respect in your relationship.
Consider having a serious, calm conversation about your feelings and the boundaries you need. If she continues to dismiss them, couples counseling could help clarify where things stand.
She doesn’t have any respect for you and the relationship.
The best thing to do is let her go and never take her back.
Sorry op but not much you can do? Why? With this attitude I feel like she knows you’ll accept anything and that’s why she’s having these inappropriate conversations with people. Respect yourself and tell her you’re not okay with this. Yes, she is allowed to have friends but texting men that are calling her “sexy” etc does not sound like friendship imo.
This is widely inappropriate on her part! If she truly cared about you and your relationship, she wouldn’t need validation from other men! This isn’t fair to you, and the fact she completely disregards your feelings about it is disrespectful. I dont know you or how your relationship works, but you do deserve to be respected and heard. I think you two need to have a serious conversation about this and what your future looks like together (or apart).
I am sorry but you are acting naive and not firm enough in your relationship that she dares giving you such responses. on top of that she is gas lighting
i think this marriage was over long ago
get out of it and try to save your kids also .
a mother who cheats on their father and has multiple partners cant provide a safe growing environment for her children
I love the my body my choice argument. You can do the same don’t want me married to someone who texts other men. Done.
Her behavior sounds like a huge warning flag. Your wife, mother of two kids who has been married for 10 years, gets her head turned easily after a few compliments.
Question, how is your relationship? Do you complement your wife on how she looks? Do you plan and take her out on dates regularly?
My first rule of marriage is to never stop dating your spouse.
She likes the idea of being “married” and chased.
Ask yourself this. If I got cancer, would she help me? Would she be by my side or texting guys?
Then, make a decision accordingly.
Get rid of that!!!! She is not worthy of your presence!!! Not sure how old you are or the specifics, but she is no f’n good! The same would be applied if you were doing so. If you are young run! If you are old, get a Uber! Either way move far away from that! I know it is hard! But, you have to be free of this BS! If there is property or pensions involved, be sure to check with a lawyer. (Get ready to be F’d again!) In hindsight, look at her mother! They get worn down real quickly! Get a new model year. Again not knowing your age.
This can easily be overlooked and you can easily make the wrong assumption. But the question is not whether she’s cheating or not. The question is if she respects you as her husband and your marriage.
If she cannot talk to you about it in respectful way then there is nothing to lose by just leaving her.
Texting will not be enough for her at some point she will act on those desires. I do not think that a man or woman should be texting others if they’re married.
My 1st wife did this in 2010. I understood she was going through something as she entered her 40s. She did it again 2015. She begged me not to leave. In 2018, she did it again, had an affair and threw me out. My friend, it will progress. She is addicted to the attention. The addiction will win and while you are holding your marriage together, shes plotting her exit strategy.
She’s not yours
Either be into it or divorce. Or both. Life is short
Take it from someone who is currently going through a divorce after the same situation. She is cheating, end it now before it gets worse.
Hate to tell you Brother but she’s a woman married to you but NOT A WIFE. She is demonstrating that she has zero respect for you and is treating you as a resource source and not a man she respects as a husband.
If she doesn’t respect you there is no way she can love you.
Time to walk away, divorce and find a woman worth your time and energy.
She is not it.
Don’t go filing for divorce unless you have solid proof that she has cheated. You are more than entitled to investigate. You cannot control what another person does or whom they talk you. You’ve communicated your feelings and expectations. Let the chips fall where they may. Just don’t be hasty.
This is a bit like when women disapprove of men watching porn.
She doesn’t respect you.
You are in denial.
She’s out of the marriage in her heart if not physically. Up to you if you want to live like this. No one can tell you what to do, but at least don’t pretend you don’t see what is happening.
She’s right, she can do what she wants but so can you. If it’s a deal breaker for you tell her that. If she still doesn’t care divorce her.
She’ll keep doing it and the more your not ok with it the more problems that you two will have because of it . Inturn will make that situation stronger because you two will be fighting .
Would you please ignore all of those who say divorce your wife! A marriage of 10 years goes through ups and downs around! It’s a natural ebb and flow.
You have good times and you have bad times and you have wonderful times where you can’t think of life can get any better. Where your heart bursts with love. You know that.
Right now, her head has been turned a little bit and the key for you is to look forward, be kind, put a little more charm into your marriage and you’ll see all will be well.
Marriage and friendship is a long-term contract filled with companionship, deep love, and more than anything deeper trust.
I call it the ups and downs arounds!
When any spouse gets attention it just shows you that they need more attention from you.
I’m an old man married over 32 years and believe me we’ve experienced these ups and downs. She’s not trying to make you jealous more than she’s just trying to feel that she’s still a sexy woman!
I hope that makes sense! You’ve got another 22 years before you’re at my 32 very wonderful years. Nine grandchildren and three great grandchildren!
Don’t make this a knee jerk reaction, trust your wife and trust that she knows how much you love and adore her.
We cannot force our spouses to be something they are not, but we can gently guide the way we both feel by giving trust, kindness, and love.
She’s obviously on the slippery slope, either find a way to live with her extra adult fun she’s approaching. Or move on
Don’t waste your time or money on a lost cause. Your sleep, health, mind will only heal after you remove yourself from the poison/toxic war zone. Have you not read any stories about ‘He’s just a friend?’ The foundation has cracks and will get worse. Get legal process involved. When in doubt, get out.
And get a DNA test! You don’t sound like this just started. Damn the texts the DNA test is ya business.
Updateme
I’d tell her either come clean or divorce her ass cause that’s shady shit she’s definitely cheating on you especially if she’s not telling you anything about these “guy friends” she talks too
Bruh. She could hide this for years. Life is too short to catch her in the act. Just cut it loose and find a woman that’s worth a shit.
It’s absolutely wrong and she has zero respect for your boundaries. If she’s not physically cheating now she will be, just a matter of time. She’s making herself available for other men to pursue. This is a transgeetion that must be addressed otherwise your marriage is doomed to fail. Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there.
Shes for the streets
She doesn’t care about you period.
There is probably a lot more going on than you have seen. Other men sending her flirty messages is not ok. Going out with girlfriends and then getting messages from a guy telling her how great she looked is not ok.
Get your ducks in a row, divorce may very well be in your future
If shes wiping her ass with a boundary your setting what are yall actually doing? If she doesn’t respect you, she isn’t going to. Time for couples therapy or divorce
Theres VERY much you can do.
OP – shes texting them because there is no consequenses for her… only benefits: she gets the validation AND you pick-me dancing / whining…
Waiting to let it play out, essentially means youre prepared to be her plan b / meal ticket while she shops for your replacement
Suggestion:
***Inform*** her that texting other guys is in your opinion adulterous and if she insists on doing it, it will be as a single woman. *But only do this if youre prepared to walk, if she continues…*
And walk away – no discussion.
OP.. set a boundary *for yourself* : dont accept disrespect.
She for the streets my friend. Thrives on other men’s attention.
Leave her bro. You can do better. I believe in you!
You’ve been given excellent advice by others. You need to:
1. Stop confronting her. She’ll gaslight you and never tell you the truth.
2. Quietly consult with several of the best divorce lawyers to find out what your legal options are. Tell them everything. Also ask about court ordered DNA paternity testing your children. One lawyer may give you some advice the others may not think of in the moment and vice versa. Then chose the best one you feel most comfortable with.
3. Separate finances. NOW. Check all financial statements. It’s surprising to find out just how much money a cheater spends on their affair.
4. Get tested for every STI known to medicine. Right now you can’t trust her. Some STI’s cam be asymptomatic for literally decades in the meantime causing damage to bone, organs, and tissue you may not feel until it’s too late. Some STI’s are curable. Some are not. The damage they leave behind cannot be cured. Get tested and tell your wife to get tested too.
5. Get into therapy and employ a child psychologist to help you tell your children in an age appropriate way about the new family dynamic and help everyone process things.
The divorce and custody papers, DNA testing of your children along with the STI testing should be the wake up call your wife needs. If it isnt, she’s not the one for you.
As for DNA testing a lot of men think they don’t need to do it because the kids look like them. You can’t go by looks. I know of a woman and foster daughter, who could have passed for being identical twins except for the age difference. DNA testing showed 0 biological familial relationship. They looked and behaved so much alike it was shocking. Same mannerism, same thought patterns, etc. Just because they look and act like you, doesn’t mean they are biologically yours.
Don’t keep sitting on your hands, waiting for something to happen. She’ll just start hiding her activities better and gaslight you into oblivion. Be proactive and strategic. Start with the steps I’ve suggested above.
You don’t have to wait till you catch her. She s doing things that make you uncomfortable and you’ve talked to her about on multiple occasions and not only did push away your feelings and didn’t take them in consideration but she continues to do so and has lied it seems. The lying part is a problem, because you have to ask why? What does your gut tell you? I ask because it’s usually right. I have experience in this and one night I just asked her, and I was right. Your gut is a safety mechanism that goes back eons when we were living in caves from what I’ve read. In modern times people tend to not listen to their hunches or what their guy is telling them. Also take all these pieces that you’ve stated here and add them together. Also maybe try one last time, that way you can tell yourself if it fails that you did everything possible. Sit her down and talk to her again, tell her this is a VERY serious conversation, like relationship moving forward conversation. If she doesn’t want to have this talk then you will have your answer right there, 100%.
If you want my opinion what I would do. It’s having “this” serious conversation because where is there is smoke, there’s fire. I believe there is a very good possibly that she has done something or has checked out of the marriage. That’s why this talk is very important. If it’s over there’s no sense to keep going for both of you. Life’s is too short
Well everyone loves attention. The question is how is your relationship? Why is she going out without you??? Husband and wife can’t have separate lives. It will almost always end up with infidelity. Your wife likes this life and wants to be promiscuous. You have to move on or she will be lost forever. Maybe when you let her know you are a man and you will not tolerate this, she will respect you again. She knows she can cheat and you won’t leave. In 6 months from now she will be gaslighting you into believing she slept with because you don’t fulfill her needs.
She doesn’t have any respect for you and the relationship
Time to move on.
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Ask her if she would like an open marriage? If she agrees then you have your answer. If not then there is hope. If she says yes then you have 3 choices. Choice number one you can have a side partner as well.
You can stay intimate with her only and allow her to be open. Or three you can divorce her.
She’s so inappropriate and very emotionally immature. What she’s doing is very disrespectful to your union. I invite you to think about seeing a counselor. It could really help with someone validating your experience and helping you get through this with a clear mind. Also to unpack why you would allow this for so long. Truly all the best to you.
That disrespect is the beginning of a cheater.
I’d get divorce papers 📃 and tell her to help you feel them out.