First time poster, downloaded the app for this!
A couple (late 20s) moved into my (28F) building on the same floor. I made small talk and exchanged numbers with the girl and was so proud of myself for making a friend! (Not sure if this is relevant, but I’m socially competent and have enough friends, I’m just not one to initiate a conversation with a stranger and decided to try doing that for a change (I regret it lol)).
The girl and I made plans to meet up and, well, it was not great. I don’t like her, she’s not my type, we don’t vibe. She seems to have had issues with every “friend” in her life and through the stories she told me, I could tell that she was the problem in all of them, and she doesn’t even realize it. She’s also clearly a high maintenance friend and already expects me to meet often (multiple times a month). I am not interested in being friends with her, I want to keep our interactions to the bare minimum.
I know the basic tactics like not initiating conversation or plans, blowing her off a few times, etc, but the issue is she doesn’t seem to have any sort of an understanding of social cues, and the idea that someone may not like her or want to hang out with her doesn’t even cross her mind. So she keeps asking to hang out and acts like we’re already buddies. Because we’re on the same floor, we’re bound to run into each other occasionally. I am not great at being direct or confrontational. Does anyone have ideas/advice on how I can make sure I establish boundaries?
9 comments
in this case it might be better for you to just be straight-up and direct. if she can’t understand social cues then she might keep persisting with you. sure, telling her you don’t want to hang with her may cause some tension or upset but i’d rather rip the bandage off now than deal with whatever drama you’ll incur from this back-and-forth you’re currently trapped in. perhaps there is a way to express that you will be a good neighbor to them but that’s the furthest extent you’re willing to engage with her.
Flirt with her boyfriend
It takes practice to be direct. You have to be willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable because the alternative is spending time with someone who will absolutely drain you, and that’s not an acceptable choice for anyone. You don’t necessarily need to tell her you don’t like her, but stick to your guns HARD when you say no to hanging out. She will likely try to guilt you and be so unpleasant that you’ll be tempted to say yes to make it stop, but don’t do that. Just tell her, every single time you run into each other, that, no, you don’t have time. You’re busy. You have food on the stove. Whatever you need to say, just stick to your no. And it will get easier and easier.
Why are you calling yourself socially competent, but are also unwilling to be direct?
You can literally just say straight up that you’re not in a place in life where you have time for new friends. That’s it. If she still continues to try making plans, ignore or block her. If she would confront you irl, double down with the “no time/space for new friends” take.
Use fart spray as perfume 😂😂
>I’m just not one to initiate a conversation with a stranger and decided to try doing that for a change
Now you’re going to have to be direct or confrontational for a change as well.
It’s a three-fer.
You’re a twin sister who moved in while the other moved out.
Or you have amnesia.
Pretending to suddenly be tied up with a big work project or your mom’s health issues or something may be prudent in this case. Being direct here would be really hard but if you want to go that route you could say something like “you have a lot of stories of people who have upset you and I don’t want to be the next one.”
If I were you I’d try the excuses first and if she doesn’t back off, I’d then try getting a little more direct.