Throwaway account as my husband follows my main.
Last night I (F33) walked over to my husband (M42) who was sitting on the couch to ask him a question. He quickly exited out of what he was doing on his phone but it wasn't quick enough. I saw that he was creating a hidden folder. I asked him what he was doing with this hidden folder and he got real defensive, so I walked with him into our bedroom as my mom was visiting us. Surprisingly he actually admitted to me what he was doing. He told me that he has a horrible porn addiction. He is a pilot and I knew that he watches porn during his layovers (which is whatever to me. I would rather him do it himself as opposed to going out and looking for someone to cheat on me with) but I didn't know the extent to it. I asked if I could see into this folder for my peace of mind just so I could verify that he wasn't paying for OF or anything to that extent. What I saw just absolutely floored me. He has a secret reddit account where he was sending dick pics to guys and they were commenting on it, he had over 100 chats with people having extensive conversations that were about degrading women sexually and it was more of like a back and forth conversation of just dirty talk like what they wanted to do during sex. It was clear that they were getting off on the conversations as they would end pretty abruptly. He also chatted wit ha bunch of people on discord as well. There were so many chat groups about gross things. There was a photo album full of women performing oral, naked women laying on a bed spread open, bukkake, and gifs of sex acts. The fact that he was having all of these conversations and posted pictures of his dick, I just don't know how to move forward with this. I actually thought we had a very healthy sex life by me at least getting him off almost daily when he is home! I am afraid of being intimate with him again as now I just feel completely inadequate.