We argue. It's not great. We've yelled and cursed at each other. I'm a cryer and have abandonment issues. He goes to anger and has ADHD and childhood trauma. We were arguing a couple weeks ago and he left the house. I don't remember the exact verbiage used but he was getting worked up and took some time. I went to check on him after about 10 mins, caught up and led with 'are you ok' type thing. He obviously was not and things turned heated quickly. I can't remember what caused me to decide to walk back- but as I left he shouted fuck and fuck you. I remember that part well. We had a hard time working through it- and tonight (at least 2 weeks later) in an argument he tells me I was abusive during that. The pursuit of me checking on him. I just don't get it. And it's made me feel so angry- I can't imagine saying that word regarding how he is in arguments and it landing well. I'd never be forgiven.
How do we get past this?